Bobby's Beautiful Mind
by DejaBlue1972
Summary: BobbyOC. The unthinkable has happened: Bobby has lost his mind and it will take his friends and loved ones to help him get it back. "Frame" inspired story that has spoilers for the episode. Chapter 13 is up and rated M for language. Read and enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: Yes, I know I have 2 stories that need to be updated badly, but my muse has been kicking my butt about writing this story, too. So, here it is. It was suppose to be a oneshot, but the longer I kept on writing, the more I realized this needed to be divided up in chapters (makes it much easier to read). Anyway, here's another post "Frame" inspired story. The bold, italicized words come from the interrogation scene of that episode. They are in no particular order. I just wrote them down as I tried to remember what was said. This may be a bit OOC for Bobby, but I think this could possibly happen to our favorite detective given his family history. The usual disclaimer: LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company; I'm just borrowing them for a while. Thank you to everyone who reads and/or reviews my stuff or has put me or my stories on their Favorites/Alert lists. I really appreciate it. Read, review and enjoy. :o)**

* * *

"_**Frank. Nicole. Me. Deadweight. I wanted you to have a clean slate. You're free now. Bobby, you're free."**_

Detective First Grade Robert Goren sat in the interrogation room, staring at Declan Gage in disbelief. A look mixed with shock, disgust, and pity that could be seen on his face, especially in his eyes. The longer he sat there looking eye to eye with his mentor and friend who had just confessed to murdering his nemesis Nicole Wallace, the harder it was for Bobby to wrap his mind around the fact that his white whale (as Captain Ross had called her) was actually dead.

The door to the interrogation room opened and in walked Bobby's partner, Detective Alexandra Eames. She was followed by a uniformed officer. "Dr. Declan Gage, you're under arrest for the murder of Nicole Wallace," she said, reaching for her handcuffs. Gage scoffed lightly as he stood up. "I know what I'm being arrested for, Detective. Sheesh." He placed his hands behind his back as she read him his rights before handing him off to the officer.

Bobby sat there motionless and speechless, watching the scene before him. As the officer led Gage towards the door, he turned his head to look at Bobby and said, "You'll appreciate your freedom in time and enjoy it." Bobby remained silent as he watched Declan Gage being taken away. "Are you okay?" Alex asked. He looked at her and opened his mouth, but no words came out. After a couple of minutes of silence, Bobby cast his eyes downward and shrugged his broad shoulders slightly. "I don't know," he said softly.

Captain Danny Ross walked into the interrogation room. "Good work, Detectives," he said. Bobby and Alex both nodded. He let out a deep sigh then said, "After you've finished wrapping up the paperwork on this case, I want both of you to take some time off." Alex opened her mouth to protest, but the captain held up both of his hands to stop her. "I've already made up my mind. This is not open for debate or discussion. I'm not ASKING you to take time off, I'm ORDERING you to take time off. Now, do your paperwork, turn it in and then go home. I'll see you both in 4 days."

Captain Ross turned around and walked out of the room before either Bobby or Alex could say anything. Alex glanced at the floor briefly before looking at her partner. "Maybe the time off will do both of us some good," she said hopefully. Bobby just nodded his head without saying a word. He stood up and followed her through the door to their desks. He was feeling numb, still trying to comprehend Declan Gage's absurd sense of what freedom should be.

* * *

"_**I'm curious. Who…who are you going to miss more? Nicole or your brother?"**_

"_Who am I going to miss more? What kind of stupid question is that?!" _Bobby thought to himself as he worked on his reports. _"What difference does it make anyway? They're both dead. I don't give a damn any more." _He continued working in silence, sniffing every once in a while as he tried to hold back the sadness that was about to overcome him. "Hey, Goren. You've got a call on line 3," Detective Aaron Richards said as he walked by Bobby's desk. "Thanks," he replied before picking up the receiver.

"Major Case, Goren speaking," Bobby said in a flat, lifeless voice.

"Hey, Handsome," said the female voice on the other end.

A small smile tugged at the corners of Bobby's mouth as he recognized his wife Angel's voice. "Hey, Beautiful."

"You okay?" she asked. "You sound kind of down."

"I'm okay. Just busy. Que pasa, querida?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm making Chili Macaroni Hamburger Helper for dinner tonight. So, if you want something else, you'd better tell me now," Angel said.

Bobby scoffed softly and said, "I'll eat whatever you have a craving for."

"You'll regret saying that when I start wanting to eat Doritos covered with chocolate ice cream." Angel waited for Bobby to laugh or make some kind of comment. Instead, all she got was silence.

"Bobby, you sure you're okay?" Angel asked, her voice tinged with concern.

"I'm okay, Angel," Bobby said. "I-I…there's just a lot going on here. I'll talk to you later. Bye." He hung up the phone before Angel had a chance to say anything else.

Angelica Marie Goren let out a small sigh as she hung up the receiver. She looked down at her 5 month baby bump and rubbed it. "Something's wrong with your Papi, Chico," she said softly. "We gotta find out what the problem is."

* * *

"_**Did you ever ask yourself 'Why?' Why nobody ever came through for you? You think it was your fault?"**_

Bobby and Alex finished their paperwork, then headed towards the elevators. Bobby was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't hear Alex speaking to him. She shook his arm to get his attention. "The elevator's here," she said, pointing at the open doors. "Sorry," he mumbled as he entered the empty elevator after her. He leaned against the back wall and stared at the ground. Alex pressed the button for the parking garage, then turned to look at Bobby. "Earth to Bobby. Come in, Bobby," she said. "Are you okay?" He raised his head a little to look at her, but then he lowered it again.

Alex sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I wish you'd say something instead of shutting me out," she said. Bobby didn't say anything. _"What am I suppose to say? Anything I say will always be the wrong thing to say," _he thought to himself. When the elevator doors opened on the parking garage level, Alex walked out of the elevator and headed towards her car. Bobby followed her, lightly grabbing her arm. She looked at him with a questioning look on her face. "I-I-I'm sorry that I've failed you and-and our partnership and friendship. You-you deserve someone better than me," he said quietly.

Bobby turned around and walked to his car, leaving Alex standing there confused by what he had said. "What is that suppose to mean?" she asked. "I'll see you later," he replied over his shoulder. She watched him as he got into his car and drove away. Alex shook her head as she went to get into her own car. She smacked the steering wheel a couple of times before turning on the car's engine. "Dammit, Declan Gage!" she said. "What the hell did you do to my partner?"

* * *

"_**After Jo, I had no one. You, you're the son I never had."**_

Angel glanced at the digital clock that was on the bedside table after she pulled her tank top over her head. It read 10:20 p.m. She had tried to wait for Bobby to come home so that they could eat dinner together, but she couldn't hold out (after all she was eating for two now). After she had finished eating, she took a shower. The sound and feel of the running water helped to soothe her worried mind because the conversation she and Bobby had earlier was starting to bother her.

When the baby started moving around, Angel rubbed her stomach. "I know your daddy's not home yet, Little One," she said. "Don't worry." She picked up her cell phone, pressing the speed dial number for Bobby's cell. His voicemail message immediately came on. "Hey, Handsome. I was just wondering when you were coming home. Give me a call, okay? I love you," Angel said. She pressed the 'end' button, then placed the phone on the table.

Angel began humming softly as she rubbed her belly again, trying to calm the baby's restless movements. She said, "Andrew Robert Goren, settle down, mi hijo. You'll hear your daddy's voice in the morning." She chuckled lightly to herself as the baby continued moving around. "Okay, Chico. Let's put the food up and get some chocolate ice cream. We'll watch some TV while we're waiting for Bobby." Angel chuckled again when she felt a small kick as she headed towards the kitchen. "I'm glad you agree with my ice cream selection."

* * *

"_**It isn't, you know. They failed you. You did everything you could for them. And more."**_

"_You're worthless and useless! You're no son of mine!" "Look at what you've done! You killed the only son who ever cared about me. You're such an ungrateful bastard!" "I'm the better son. Mom said so. What makes you so special? Nothing!" "Oh, my poor Bobby! Do you miss me already?" "Such a brilliant, tortured and misunderstood genius. Ah, well. Like father, like son." "You're free now, Bobby. You're free."_

"Shut up!" Bobby hissed loudly at the cacophony of voices that were talking to him in his head. He was sitting in his car in the parking lot of some unknown liquor store. He looked around, trying to figure out where the hell he was. All he knew was that he had been on the road for 3 hours, stopping only once for gas. He shook his head a few times, then massaged his forehead, trying to make the voices go away.

The voices eventually quieted down after a few minutes, but they were quickly replaced by a sinister and taunting laugh. Bobby squeezed his eyes tightly and balled his hands up into fists. "Go away," he said. The laughter got louder. _"Pathetic!" _the disembodied voice said. "Go away," Bobby repeated. _"Why should I go away? I'm the only one who has your best interests at heart. Besides, I'm not going anywhere until you leave this Earth." _

"Shut up and go away," Bobby said. The Voice laughed. _"Make me, you pathetic piece of shit!" _it said. Bobby sat there, trying to will the arrogant and spiteful voice to leave him alone. _"Oh, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. You know the only way to get rid of me is with a teensy, tiny bit of alcohol. Give me that and I'll be gone." _Bobby inhaled and exhaled heavily for a couple of minutes. Then he said, "Fine. I will get some alcohol if it will make you go away!" _"Oh, make sure you get the good stuff, too. I hate that cheap crap,"_ The Voice said as Bobby got out of his car and headed towards the liquor store.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: Just read what I said in chapter 1, so I don't have to repeat myself again. LOL Here's the usual disclaimer: LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wol and company; I'm just taking them for a spin in my imagination for a little bit. As always, I'm very grateful and thankful to those of you who take the time to read and/or review my stories. I truly appreciate it. Read, review and enjoy.:o)**

* * *

"Here's your room key," the front desk clerk said. She took a long drag off her newly lit cigarette as she passed the key to Bobby. "You're in room 20, the very last unit on the end." He mumbled his thanks very quickly before turning around to walk out of the door. _"Oooh, such a lovely place you've picked out for us,"_ The Voice in Bobby's head said sarcastically. "Will you just shut the fuck up?!" he said, moving the car down to his room. He had found the practically empty motel about 20 miles away from where he bought fifteen 750mL bottles of 12 year old Glenlivet. The liquor store manager let him have the bottles for one hundred dollars since it was almost closing time.

"_Tsk, tsk, tsk. Don't be getting mad at me," _The Voice said. _"I'm not the one named after a character from 'The Brady Bunch.'" _The Voice started humming the show's theme song. When the clerk told Bobby to sign the guest register book, he signed his name as "Bobby Brady." She had looked at him over the top of her bifocal glasses, rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever, pal," with a sigh.

The Voice continued humming the song over and over again, getting progressively louder and louder each time. Bobby somehow managed to block out the annoying sound in his head long enough to park the car in front of his room and unpack it. He carried in the 15 bottles of Glenlivet in a box and a duffel bag filled with 3 days worth of clothes and the usual travel essentials.

"_Hmmph. Well, it ain't the Ritz-Carlton, but I suppose it'll have to do," _The Voice sniffed, referring to the room. Bobby almost laughed at its attitude. The room was clean and decent enough. It had a dresser, 2 double beds, a nightstand table and an old TV with a cable box attached to it. He placed the box of alcohol on top of the dresser, the duffel bag on the bed closest to the door. Then he emptied out his pockets, placing his wallet, badge, cell phone and gun on the nightstand. _"Come on. Come on. Come on already, Bobby," _The Voice said impatiently. _"Hurry up and get to the good stuff. I know you're dying to have a drink. I know I'm thirsty."_

Bobby sighed heavily and said, "Shut the hell up! You're getting on my damn nerves!" The Voice laughed. _"Oh, now you want to cop a fucking attitude with me?! You seem to forget, dumb ass, that YOU looked for me this time. It's not my fault you can't handle the pressures of your life. That YOU are a screw-up. Hell, you botched the last time you tried to take your life. Somebody actually found you before you kicked the bucket. So, you're going to LISTEN to me, buddy boy. You're going to crack open one of those bottles of Glenlivet and drink until the whole bottle is empty. GO DO IT! NOW!"_

Bobby stood in the middle of the floor, breathing heavily. He was trying to resist The Voice's insistent demand, but it was no use. He walked over to the dresser, picked up a bottle of Glenlivet and opened it. He had drained the whole bottle dry in a few gulps. The Voice laughed gleefully as Bobby set down the empty bottle and picked up another one. _"See? Isn't it more fun when you do things my way?"_

* * *

"_**When I saw you at your mother's funeral, you broke my heart. I wanted you to engage again. So, I gave you a puzzle to solve, to play."**_

Alex lifted her head to look at the clock that was on her bedside table. "Oh, brother," she groaned as she laid her head back down on the pillow. It was 5:35 in the morning. She had spent most of the night tossing and turning, unable to sleep. The words of Bobby's strange apology had occupied her mind. _"How could he have failed me?" _she thought to herself. _"True, I was mad at him for not letting me know about the undercover operation he was involved in to get his badge back, but we got through that. What the hell is going on with him?" _

Alex exhaled sharply as she slapped the bed in frustration. She threw back the covers and jumped out of the bed. She went into the kitchen and picked her cell phone up off of the counter, quickly dialing Bobby's number. She got his voicemail message. "Bobby, this is Alex. Call me as soon as you get this message. I just want to make sure you're alright. I'm kinda worried about you. Bye." She closed the phone and headed off back to her bedroom to try to get a couple of hours sleep.

* * *

Angel slowly opened her eyes. She was laying on her side with her arms wrapped around Bobby's pillow. She had fallen asleep waiting for him to return home. She sat up in the bed, listening intently for any sound of him. She got out of the bed and walked down the hall towards the computer/TV room. Angel stood in the doorway, staring at the neatly folded blanket and 2 pillows that were in the big recliner.

For the past few weeks, Bobby's tossing and turning in bed had become so frantic that one night he accidentally hit Angel in the face and kicked her out of the bed onto the floor. She tried to laugh it off, saying she'd better learn how to duck the next time, but Bobby was so upset that he insisted on taking her to the doctor to make sure that the baby was okay. Even though Dr. Driver had assured both of them that their son was okay, Bobby had banished himself to another room in the house for fear that he would truly hurt Angel and their unborn child.

"Where are you, Bobby?" Angel asked herself as she headed back to the bedroom. A small tear made its way down her cheek. When she entered the bedroom, she turned off the alarm clock. Then she picked up her cell phone to check for any missed calls or text messages. There were none. She called his cell phone again, getting his voicemail. "It's me," Angel said, her voice cracking. "I don't know where you are or what's wrong. I do know that it's not like you to not come home or call. Whatever's going on, you know you can tell me. So, please just call me because Chico and I are worried about you. Te amo."

Angel closed the phone and laid it on the table. She sat on the edge of the bed and cried quietly. _"Something's terribly wrong," _she thought. _"I gotta find him before it's too late."_


	3. Chapter 3

****

Author's Notes: As per The Mominator's request, here's chapter 3. Chapter 4 should hopefully be up by the end of the week. Thanks to those you who are actually reading this story. I didn't really know how this one would be accepted. Anyway, here's the disclaimer: LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company; I'm just borrowing them for a while. Any and all mistakes made are my own. Read, review and enjoy. :o)

_

* * *

_

**Bobby: "You did this for me?" Gage: "No. Both of us."**

Angel called Bobby's cell phone 3 more times before she headed out of the door. She kept getting his voicemail. _"Stupid idiot!_" she thought to herself._ "Something told you to go down to 1PP to make sure he was okay. You heard whatever was bothering him in his voice, but you just let him tell you that he was fine. Bobby hasn't been fine since finding out who his biological father is. Stupid!" _

Angel kept mentally beating and berating herself as she drove to Lewis' house. A couple of days ago he had invited her and Bobby to have breakfast with him on his day off. _"Maybe Bobby spent the night at Lewis' place to help him work on that Camaro." _She tried to console herself with that one positive thought as negative thoughts went through her mind. Her heart sank when she pulled up to Lewis' house and didn't see Bobby's car. She turned off the engine, then held onto the steering wheel, shaking her head.

"_Bobby's lying dead somewhere." _That one thought had been nagging at Angel ever since she woke up. "I refuse to believe that," she said aloud. She looked down at her stomach and rubbed it when the baby started moving. "Chico, I'm gonna find your daddy and bring him home. I promise." She pulled some tissues out of her purse, dabbing at her eyes. Then she looked in the rearview mirror to check her appearance before getting out of the car.

* * *

Angel took a few deep breaths to compose herself as she walked up the steps to the front door and knocked on it. "There's my favorite mom-to-be," Lewis said with a smile when he opened the door. "Hey, Lewis," she said. "Am I too early?" "No, no. You're right on time." He gave her a big hug, then leaned down to talk to her stomach. "Hey, R2 D2! It's your Uncle Lewis," he said. Angel let out a small exasperated sigh while Lewis laughed. "Will you stop calling him that? You and Janelle both are gonna make me kick you in the shins," she said playfully.

Lewis kept on laughing as he stepped aside to let Angel in. "You're naming the kid after his dad and your best friend's husband. You should've known I'd call him something else besides 'Chico.' I'm kinda mad that I didn't think of it first," he said. Angel rolled her eyes. "Whatever, dude," she said. "My child is going come out of the womb thinking he's a droid robot and it'll be your fault." He grinned from ear to ear at that image.

Angel took off her jacket and placed it, along with her purse, on the couch, then followed Lewis into the kitchen. "Where's Bobby?" he asked. She was about to say something, but he kept on talking, walking to the fridge. "I called him 30 minutes ago to remind him that I was cooking breakfast for you guys. It would be just like him to forget." "Did he call you back?" Angel asked as she sat down at the table. "Nope. I had to leave him a message. Man, I haven't had much of a chance to talk to him since Frank's death." She let out a silent sigh of relief as he kept talking. _"Maybe I shouldn't worry if Lewis isn't worried."_ But something in her heart told her differently.

Lewis pulled 2 cartons of orange juice out of the fridge, putting them on the table in front of Angel. "I hope you're in the mood for my 'everything but the kitchen sink' omelet," he said over his shoulder as he headed to the stove. "Sounds good." Angel watched Lewis as he busied himself gathering his ingredients for the omelets. She nervously bit her bottom lip as she poured herself some juice. _"The thought of Bobby being dead somewhere is bothering you. You've gotta ask him the question." _She took a sip from her glass, then said softly, "Can I ask you something?"

* * *

"Yeah, sure," Lewis replied. He stopped what he was doing to give Angel his full attention. "Do you think if something was seriously bothering Bobby that he would try to hurt himself? That he would try to take his own life?" she asked. Fear and dread crossed Lewis' face at first, but then he tried to quickly regain his composure to keep her from seeing those emotions. He pushed his glasses up on his nose, then began fidgeting. "B-B-Bobby wouldn't, wouldn't hurt himself," he stammered. "That-that-that's crazy. Why would you ask something like that?" He turned around and started opening containers to avoid Angel's gaze.

Angel stood up and went around the table. Lewis looked at her when she touched his arm. "I'm asking these questions because something has been bothering my husband, your best friend for a while," she said. "There's something weighing so heavily on his mind that I'm afraid it'll either break him mentally or kill him. Lewis, you know something about Bobby that I don't. Otherwise, you wouldn't be acting this strange. So, I need you to answer my question. Tell me what you know. Please."

"You don't need to know that," Lewis said. "Not in your condition, anyway. Besides that's all in past. There's nothing to tell." Angel scoffed. "I'm pregnant. I don't have a weak heart. There's a difference. You need to tell me what happened in Bobby's past because the only 2 other people I could ask are dead." Lewis sighed as he slumped his shoulders and ran his fingers through his hair. "Have a seat," he said.

* * *

Angel went back to the chair she had been sitting, Lewis sat down across from her. He sighed again, looking at his interlaced fingers. "When Bobby was 8, he and Frank got to spend the summer with me and family in Ithaca at my cousin John's house. My dad was helping him and his brother get their automotive shop up and running. Frank hung out with the older cousins and neighborhood kids; me and Bobby hung out with the cousins and kids that were our age."

Lewis cleared his throat. "One day, me and Bobby were hanging out with my cousins Tim and Wayne in Tim's tree house, reading some comic books. Everything was fine until Frank showed up with Brett and Roger, Tim's brothers. They started picking on us. I don't remember too much about that day and what was said, but I do remember Frank and Bobby arguing. Next thing I know, Frank double dog dared Bobby to jump from the tree house. He did it. Bobby climbed over the railing and jumped. We all looked over the railing to see if he was hurt. He wasn't. He was just laying there on the ground, laughing."

"Bobby kept jumping from that tree house for 2 weeks straight," Lewis continued saying. "He'd just land on the ground without any broken bones or scratches, laughing as if doing that was the most fun and natural thing in the world. One night, at bedtime, my mom came into the room Bobby and me was sharing. She asked him why was he doing that. He told her that The Voice in his head told him to do it. That he couldn't hurt because he was Superman."

* * *

"Bobby was hearing voices?" Angel asked. Lewis shook his head and said, "No. Not voices. Just one voice." "What did your mom do?" "Sometimes, late at night, Mom would come in the room when Bobby was sleep and whisper good thoughts into his ear. She thought that would help him. And it did for while until…" Lewis's voice trailed off, unable to go on with the rest of the story. Angel reached across the table, taking both of his hands into hers. "Until what, Lewis?" she asked softly. "You can tell me."

Lewis kept on shaking his head, looking at his hands. "Please tell me," Angel said. "I need to know." He sighed heavily. "Bobby and I were outside riding bikes with some of the neighborhood kids. He got a flat tire, so he went back to the house to fix it. He had this kind of weird, spaced out look on his face when he left. He was gone for such a long time that I went looking for him because we were gonna choose sides to play baseball. When I got to the house, I didn't see him in the garage. I went into the house and asked Mom if she had seen him. She said no. So we went looking in the basement. We found Bobby laying on the floor, barely breathing and vomit coming out of his mouth."

Lewis' lip quivered as he recalled the near tragedy. "He had broken into a locked liquor cabinet and drank a whole bottle of Johnnie Walker by himself. I helped Mom pick Bobby up and carry to him to the car. We rushed to the hospital as fast as we could. The ER doctor said we barely got him there in time. When Bobby finally came to, he just said The Voice told him that drinking lots of alcohol would make him invincible like Superman." Lewis looked Angel in the eye and said, "I saw that…damn Voice click on that day. I've seen it a couple of times since then. For as long as I've known him, Bobby has always shut down and shut out those who care about him. So, to answer your question: If that Voice is on in his head and it's as strong as I know it to be, then yeah, Bobby will do some harm to himself and not give damn about you, me or anybody else."

* * *

Angel squeezed Lewis' hands, then wiped a tear from her eye. "Then we'll just have to make sure The Voice doesn't come on," she said. He nodded as he took a deep breath. He patted her hand and said, "I'm going to make breakfast." She smiled and nodded in agreement. He got up to wash his hands at the sink before he started to cook.

Angel got up from the table and went down the hall to the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it. She inhaled and exhaled deeply as she walked towards the sink. She gripped it by the sides and stared at her reflection in the mirror. "Oh my God," she whispered as she thought about last time she had seen Bobby. She remembered he had a weird, spaced out look on his face. "The Voice….it's on."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes: Chapter 5 is on the way. Bobby will talk some more to The Voice. LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company. I'm just borrowing them for a while. Thank you as always to everyone who takes the time to read and/or review. I'm grateful. Any and all mistakes made are my own. Read, review, and enjoy. :o)**

* * *

"_**A puzzle? You think I needed her to get me back into the game?"**_

Bobby was laying on the bathroom floor of his motel room between the toilet and the shower. One of his arms was covering his face, shielding his eyes from the bright lights coming from the ceiling. His other arm was laying beside him, a empty bottle of Glenlivet in his hand. _"Wake up, Bobby. Wake up, big guy," _The Voice said in a phony, soothing tone. Bobby groaned loudly. "Go away," he mumbled. The Voice chuckled. _"Oh, no. You're not going to get rid of me that easily." _It paused for a moment to take a deep breath, then yelled, _"WAKE UP, BOBBY!"_

Bobby sat up so fast that he bumped his forehead hard on the toilet. The empty bottle clattered across the floor. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" he yelled as he rubbed his forehead, feeling a knot already rising on the painful spot. He immediately regretted his sudden movements as he felt himself get sick. He managed to get his head over the toilet one second before he started throwing up.

The Voice laughed with delight at Bobby's misery. _"Aw, poor Bobby. Can't handle your alcohol like you used to?" _It continued laughing. When Bobby finished vomiting, he flushed the toilet, then just clung onto it for dear life. He didn't trust himself to stand up just yet. _"Do you want your mommy? Oops. I forgot. She's dead. She wouldn't care about you anyway."_ "I swear to God," Bobby said slowly, "I'm going to…" _"You're going to what? Take a swing at something that you can't see? Man, you're more fucked up than I thought."_

* * *

"Why don't you just go away? I don't need you," Bobby said. _"You don't need me?! Of course, you NEED me," _The Voice said. _"I'm the only one willing enough and brave enough to ride this out of control, suicidal rollercoaster you're on. Do you honestly think Angel, Alex, Lewis or anybody else you hold near and dear to your heart would actually go on this ride with you? They wouldn't because of self-preservation. They don't want to know what's wrong with you or why you're hurt."_

The Voice continued saying, _"You might not have seen Declan's betrayal coming, but I can see theirs, your so called family and friends. You need me because I am the only one that will give you the encouragement you need to end your pain and misery." _Bobby sat there on the floor in silence, listening to and believing The Voice's lies. _"Think about it, Bobby. Just because you married Angel, do you think she really believes in those vows? That she would stay with you "for better for worse?" You're a fool if you do. Modern women like her will leave your ass high and dry in a heartbeat because they don't have time. Angel wouldn't put up with you. Hell, she probably already has a divorce lawyer on retainer ever since that stunt you pulled trying to help your nephew."_

"Are you saying that you're my only friend?" Bobby asked. The Voice chuckled. _"Yep. That's me. I'm your one and only true friend. I care about you. Now, get up and get another bottle of Glenlivet. I'm thirsty."_

_**

* * *

**_

Bobby: "You think you did everything you could for Jo?" Gage: I did the best I could. I was a single parent."

Alex stood next to her car in the parking lot of the local park that was a couple of miles away from her parents' home. She was waiting for her dad to show up so that she could join him for his daily morning walk. She dialed Bobby's cell phone while she waited. She let out an exasperated sigh as his voicemail message came on. This was the 4th call she had made to him. "Bobby, it's Alex. Again. Stop staring at your phone and ignoring me. Call me back. Please."

Alex snapped her phone closed, then shoved it into the front pocket of her hooded jacket. She turned her head at the sound of a car horn beeping. She smiled and waved as her dad Johnny Eames parked his car next to hers. "Hey, sweetheart," he said when he got out of the car. "Hey, Dad," Alex said. She gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You ready?" he asked. She nodded and replied, "Sure."

Johnny and Alex walked along the park's walking trail, talking about the weather, family and other stuff. "So, how's work?" he asked. She shrugged slightly. "Work's fine," she answered. "Uh-huh." She gave her dad a sideways glance. "What's that suppose to mean?" "It means that I don't believe you. Something serious must be going at work for you to join your old man for a walk."

* * *

Alex stopped in her tracks. "Dad, I am shocked that you think I'd only want to go for a walk with you is when there's something wrong at work," she said. Johnny stopped and turned to look at his daughter, his arms folded across his chest. He shook an index finger at her and said, "Alexandra Ashton Eames, you've got some nerve to stand there and lie to your father. Telling me that everything is fine at work when it plainly isn't. Now, spill your guts."

"God, not the whole name," Alex griped as she sat down on the nearest park bench. Johnny sat down next to her. He nudged her in the arm with his elbow and said, "Tell me what's wrong, Lexi." A small sigh escaped her lips. "Do you remember Declan Gage?" she asked. Johnny furrowed his brow a little. "I think I do. Was he that strange man wearing a wrinkled suit with suspenders and a bowtie at Frances Goren's funeral?" he said. Alex nodded and said, "That's him." "Okay. What about him?" "To make a long story short, he's the one who had Frank Goren murdered."

Johnny's mouth dropped open. "What? How? Why?" he asked rapidly. "Gage lured Nicole Wallace out of hiding and had her kill Frank. He, in turn, killed her," Alex answered. Even though she knew she wasn't suppose to, she told him about what had happened up to and including yesterday's interrogation. Johnny sat there in stunned silence. "What the hell was he thinking?" he finally managed to say. "My God! He just ruined Bobby's life." "I know, Dad. I know."

* * *

Johnny asked, "How's Bobby handling all of this?" Alex replied, "I really don't know. He just sort of…shut down after Gage's confession. When we were heading to our cars, Bobby gave me the weirdest apology. He apologized for ruining our friendship and partnership and said that I deserved somebody better than him."

Johnny put his arm Alex's shoulders, giving her a squeeze. "So, what's bothering you, Alex?" She took a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, then released it. "It was the way Bobby said it. The tone was all…wrong. It didn't sound right." "Have you talked to him since yesterday?" She shook her head. "I've called his cell phone and left him 4 messages already. He won't answer." Johnny chuckled lightly as he gave her shoulders another squeeze. "I'll give you an 'A' for persistence. That's for sure," he said. "Dad," she said in a playfully warning voice. "I think Bobby just needs some time to digest what has happened to him. I say just let him be for today and call him again tomorrow. If he doesn't answer, then you should call Angel and talk to her. Don't go into a whole lot of detail though. Just say you're making sure Bobby's spending his days off wisely."

Alex looked at her dad and smiled. "Thanks, Dad," she said. Johnny returned her smile. "You're welcome, Lex," he replied. He patted her leg, then stood up and said, "Come on. Let's go finish our walk." Alex nodded as she stood up and fell in step with him, feeling better about the advice her dad offered. _"Bobby will be fine until tomorrow."_

* * *

"_**You told me that your relationship with her had never been better. She's in a coma."**_

Angel managed to get through breakfast with Lewis without letting on to him that Bobby was missing. After she helped him clean up the mess he had made in the kitchen, they went their separate ways. She headed to work at Computer City; Lewis headed to his shop before going to the airport to pick up his parents who were coming in from Florida.

When Angel got to Computer City, she sat down at her desk and tried to focus on getting invoices out and bills paid. But her mind kept wandering back to the morning's conversation with Lewis. She bowed her head and said a prayer to herself in her head. _"Please, Lord. Watch over Bobby wherever he may be. And please, give me strength to find him."_ After about a hour, she finished paying the last bill. Then she started making a list of possible places of where Bobby would go. Alex's name was last on the list. _"Alex's the last resort to help me find Bobby."_

Angel grabbed her purse and jacket and told Chad Riggins, the store manager, that she had some accounting business to take care of for Martin, Baker and Martin and she'd be back in the morning. She got in her car and started driving all over the city to the places she had written down, stopping only to take brief breaks and eat.

* * *

It was early in the evening when Angel reached the cemetery where Frances Goren was buried. Frank had been laid to rest beside her. Angel moved her heart shaped locket up and down its chain and bit her bottom lip as she approached the 2 graves with some hesitation. She let out a sigh of relief at not seeing Bobby laying on the ground dead between his mother and brother. However, she did notice a fresh set of footprints on the ground between the graves.

Angel stepped in the footprints, laughing lightly to herself as she realized her feet looked very tiny in size compared to the size of the footprints. She rubbed her stomach and said softly, "Ay Dios mió, Chico. You're gonna have some huge feet when you get grown." She stood there quietly, looking back and forth between Frances' and Frank's headstones. _"I didn't know them very well, but I married into their family anyway," _she thought to herself.

Angel continued biting her lip. She was trying to think of something to say. She sniffed as she wiped away a tear. Finally, she said, "Bobby is very special to me. I love him despite the fact that something may be mentally wrong with him. He can overcome that with the right kind of help. I married him because he's a kind, gentle and loving person who wants to save the world from all of the dangers that are out there."

"Bobby's missing," Angel said. "My instincts and my heart are telling me that he's out there somewhere trying to destroy himself to make all the years of pain and anger go away. It's my job as his wife to find him before he hurts himself any more." She sighed. "I just wish that y'all had treated him with some kindness and a little bit of love. Then maybe I wouldn't be so worried about him killing himself."

Angel grew quiet again. She stood there and stared at the graves for a few minutes more before she turned on her heel and walked towards her car. She got inside and locked the doors. She gripped the steering wheel as she placed her forehead against it and started to cry. _"I just want my Bobby back. Please, love. Come home."_


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes: I apologize for not getting this chapter up last week. Life has been hectic. Yes, I know the amount of alcohol flowing through Bobby's body should kill him now, but I'm thinking he's not going to go down so easily. Yet. Anyway, I'm working on chapter 6 now and hope to have it up soon. The chapter contains scenes of violence, so please read at your own discretion. You have been warned. I would like to say thank you to everyone who has read and/or reviewed this story. I'm grateful as always. The words in [] are another voice that comes into play. LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company; I'm just borrowing them for a while. Any and all mistakes made are my own. Read, review and enjoy. :o)**

* * *

"_**I didn't want to upset you. I know you two are close in your way. You had enough going on."**_

It was around 10:00 p.m. when Bobby eventually made his way out of the bathroom, holding onto anything that was stable as he staggered to the dresser after having thrown up 4 more times. He grabbed 2 more bottles of Glenlivet, his 7th and 8th bottles consecutively, and walked towards the double beds, gingerly putting one foot in front of the other. He sat down on the edge of one of the beds, but instead he ended up sliding off the bed and landing on the floor with a thud.

"Ouch," Bobby said softly as he set the 2 bottles down on the floor next him before he rubbed the huge purple and blue knot on his forehead. The sudden jolt made his head hurt. The Voice laughed. _"God, I wish I had a camera! You are so funny in your pathetic state!" _"Shut up." The Voice kept on laughing as Bobby reached for his gun that was laying on the nightstand table. He cocked it and put it against his temple. "Either you shut up or I'll shut you up," Bobby said through his teeth.

"_Ooo. Am I suppose to be scared of big bad Bobby and his big gun?"_ The Voice asked sarcastically. _"Go ahead. Do both of us a favor and pull the fucking trigger already! I've had it up to here with you! You're nothing but a pathetic and weak person who can't do anything right! You ever wonder why your friendships and relationships fail? I'll tell you why. It's because nobody wants to be around or with you. You are too unstable and unpredictable for anyone. It won't be long before you actually become your real father's son and do what you were meant to do: take all that hurt, anger and frustration and unleash it on the whole world!"_

* * *

"I am NOTHING like that…that killer," Bobby said. _"Oh, really? In case you forgot, Bobby Brady, you attacked your pregnant wife in bed," _The Voice said. "I didn't attack Angel! That was an accident. Stop distorting the truth!" _"Me distort the truth? I'm not doing that. I'm pointing out the obvious, you idiot! Why did you move yourself to another room in the house?" _A small tear fell down Bobby's cheek as he laid the gun down on the floor beside him. "I moved to another room because I didn't want to hurt Angel and Chico again," he said softly.

"_Exactly!" _The Voice exclaimed. _"You just proved my point! Because you KNOW you'll hurt Angel and that monster she's carrying again and again and again. One day, you'll get tired of hurting Angel and just wrap your hands around her throat and choke the life out of her. Then you'll rip that monster out of her stomach and choke the life out of it with its own umbilical cord. Imagine it, Bobby Brady! You do that and you'll be able to carry on a proud family tradition that your father started." _

Bobby fumbled and staggered his way up onto his feet. "I would never do that! I would never hurt them!" he yelled as he swayed back and forth on unsteady legs. _"Sure. That's what you say now. But given a chance to sober up, you and I both know you would give in to your killer instincts," _The Voice said. "I would never hurt them or anyone else," Bobby sniffed. _"Hmmph. You might. You might not. Who knows. Who cares. But I do know that if, and that's a pretty big if, you manage to walk away from here alive, your wife will have you declared mentally incompetent and have you committed to some institution so far away that no one will ever remember who you are or even know that you existed."_

* * *

"Angel wouldn't-wouldn't do that to me," Bobby said as he rubbed his forehead. "She wouldn't hurt me." He stumbled back to his spot next to the bed, hitting the floor a little bit harder, causing his head to hurt some more. _"Of course, she'll hurt you. You can't trust her. That's a fact," _The Voice said. _"Hell, Angel's probably so ashamed of knowing who and what you are that she'll divorce you as quick as possible and try to get rid of that monster inside of her anyway she can." _

Bobby sat there in silence, contemplating some twisted truth behind The Voice's lies about Angel. Then he reached for a bottle of Glenlivet. "What kind of friend are you?" he asked as he opened the bottle and put it to his lips, taking a few big gulps of the alcohol. The Voice scoffed. _"I'm the kind of friend you need. The kind that will tell you the truth, no matter how difficult or terrible it is. I'm your truest friend. I'll be with you until the end. And believe me, my friend, the end is coming very, very soon."_

* * *

"_**You're good. For a man with diminishing capacity, you can still hold your own."**_

It was 12:35 a.m. Angel sighed heavily as she walked through the empty house turning off all the lights in the house except for the light over the stove. She turned on the porch light and set the alarm before heading down the hall towards the bedroom. After she left the cemetery, Angel had come home and sat in the TV/computer room in Bobby's recliner. She had sat there and looked at the television screen, not really watching anything. She was just trying to get a sense of Bobby, trying to figure out where in the world he could possibly be.

Angel stayed in that room for about 3 hours before she finally got up and fixed herself something for dinner and taking a shower afterwards. She put on some shorts and one of Bobby's old light blue dress shirts. Wearing his shirt made her feel closer to him. "What are you doing up, Baby Boy?" Angel said softly as she felt the baby start to move. She smiled as she rubbed her stomach. "You trying to stay up to hear your daddy's voice, huh?"

Angel walked into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. She kept on rubbing her stomach. "Don't worry about anything, Chico," she said. "Papi will be home soon. I'm gonna have your aunt Alex help me bring him home." She picked up her cell phone and stared it for a few seconds. Then she pressed the speed dial number for Bobby's cell. Angel let out a deep sigh when his voicemail message immediately came on.

"Hey, Handsome," Angel said. "I-I wish you would call me back so that I wouldn't be so worried about you." She paused briefly before she continued to speak. "I can't remember whether I read this or heard someone say it, but there's a saying that goes 'No guy is worth your tears and when you find one that is, he won't make you cry.' I just want you to know that YOU ARE worth every tear I've shed because I love you very much. So, please call me."

Angel pressed the 'end' button and placed the phone on the nightstand table. She rubbed her stomach as she stood up and pulled back the bed covers. She got into the bed, laying on her side facing the nightstand. She grabbed Bobby's pillow, hugging it close. "Try to get some sleep, Chico," she said as she reached over and turned off the lamp. She laid there in the dark, rubbing her belly and staring at her cell phone, hoping it would ring.

* * *

"_**Diminishing capacity? What are you talking about?"**_

"_Look at you! Crazy just like your mother! I knew you weren't my son. I don't have weak genes like her." "You ruined your brother's life. He could never catch a decent break because of you." "You need to focus all of that anger on Dad. It's not my fault that he didn't love you." "You do miss me, don't you? I knew you would miss the thrill of the hunt." "Stop fighting your destiny. You should take your friend's advice and follow in your old man's footsteps." "I was trying to do what was best for you. You of all people should understand that."_

Bobby was still sitting on the floor between the double beds, leaning against one of them and nursing the 2nd half full bottle of alcohol. He slapped at his head hard several times. "Go away!" he said, his speech slightly slurred. Despite the pain he was feeling from his forehead, he kept on slapping his head until the voices went away.

["you shouldn't do that. you'll hurt yourself,"] a small voice said out of nowhere. The sound of this new voice caused Bobby to freeze mid-slap. "Who the hell are you?" he asked. ["a friend,"] it replied. He snorted. "I've already got a friend. I don't need any more." It chuckled softly. ["can i say that i'm a concerned entity then?"] Bobby shrugged as he took a gulp from the bottle. "You can if you want to. It's a free country. Though I don't understand why you're concerned."

* * *

["i'm concerned because i think your friend is trying to hurt you,"] the small voice said. Bobby shook his head. "He wouldn't hurt me. He tells me the truth. He's a true friend," he answered. ["a true friend would not let you destroy yourself. a true friend would help you."] "You're wrong about him. He's been with me ever since I was a kid. He's always told me the right thing to do," Bobby said. He stopped to take a drink. "Besides, why do you care? You've never been with me before."

The small voice replied, ["i have been with you for as long as he has. i haven't expressed myself as forcefully because of my fear that if i said anything, he would destroy you so badly that you wouldn't come back from the edge in one piece. so, i remained quiet watching him fail. but this time, he's going too far. i must take a stand before it's too late."] A wry chuckle escaped from Bobby's lips. "You can't help. He's very strong this time. I'm hopeless," he said solemnly. ["hope is my name. i have to try."]

"_Your name is mud, Hope!" _The Voice boomed. _"Go away or I'll make you go away for good this time!" _Bobby involuntarily jumped at the loud noise The Voice made. ["you must stop this. bobby needs help, not to be harmed,"] the small voice named Hope said. ["he is not worthless! he means something to someone."] _"That's it, Hope. You had your chance," _The Voice hissed menacingly.

* * *

"Oh, no," Bobby gasped as his eyes widen in fear. In his mind's eye, he could see The Voice charge up to Hope, putting his hands all around her and squeezing tightly. "Don't-don't kill her," Bobby said as he continued watching the gruesome scene inside of his head. The Voice twisted Hope as if he were wringing water out of a wet washcloth. "Please don't kill her! She didn't do anything!" The Voice grunted, ignoring Bobby's tearful pleas. To show his contempt for what he thought of Bobby and Hope, The Voice snapped Hope like a twig over his knee, letting her fall lifeless down to the ground. Bobby sat there, breathing heavily and shaking.

"_Look at what you made me do!" _The Voice said. _"Believing that liar's words over mine. You are such an idiot for even thinking Hope had any way of stopping me. You will listen only to me and do what I say. You will get me some more alcohol. Then you'll call that deceitful wife of yours and tell her to kiss your ass goodbye because we're going to end this pity party with a bang."_

**

* * *

**

Author's Notes Part 2: Don't fret, dear readers. Hope is not going away that easily. I promise. :o)


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes: Happy belated Easter, everyone. Sorry about the delay. Thank you for waiting patiently. I would like to dedicate this chapter to my late paternal grandmother Frankie Mae Newton, who passed away on March 24, 2009. Well, I'm off to write the next chapter. Yes, Hope will be back. LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company; I'm just borrowing them for a while. As always, thank you to everyone who reads and/or reviews anything I write. I'm grateful. Any and all mistakes made are my own. Read, review and enjoy.**

* * *

"_**Jo's refusal to see you…Is that what pushed your mind over the edge?"**_

"You-you-you didn't have to kill her," Bobby said shakily. "Hope didn't do anything to deserve that." _"Shut up!" _The Voice said. _"I can do whatever the hell I want! Hope had no business here. Hope is USELESS around here. Now, get up and get me a drink before I do something to you!"_

Bobby put the bottle to his lips, quickly draining all of the remaining alcohol out of it. He got up as fast as his unsteady, drunken legs would let him and wobbled his way to the dresser. He picked up the box containing the remaining 7 bottles of Glenlivet and wobbled his way back to the beds. He tried sitting down on one of the beds again, but he ended up sliding down onto the floor.

Bobby placed the box on the floor beside him before he rubbed his forehead with a whimper. "I-I-I want to go home," he said softly. _"Stop your fucking whining," _The Voice said harshly. _"Do you honestly think Angel is going to let you back into the house after all of this? You are outta your damn mind! Now drink up. I'm thirsty." _Bobby sniffed as he opened another bottle and took a drink. He realized that The Voice was right about one thing: his life as he knew it was over. "No one cares about me any more," he mumbled under his breath. He guzzled the alcohol as quickly as he could, trying to make the pain go away. _"No one but me, Bobby Brady. I'm your friend. Just keep on drinking. The pain will go away real soon."_

* * *

Angel groaned as she opened one eye, reaching over to turn off the alarm clock. It was 4:50 a.m. and she had been asleep for only 40 minutes. She threw back the covers and put her feet on the floor. She sat there quietly for a couple of minutes, trying to listen for any sound of Bobby being in the house. _"Of course, he's not here,"_ she thought to herself. A small smile crossed her face as she rubbed her stomach. "Good morning, Chico," she said softly before she got up and headed towards the bathroom.

Just as Angel had finished washing her hands, her cell phone started to ring. "Hold your horses. I'm coming," she said as she walked back into the bedroom. She reached the nightstand table and picked up the phone. Her mouth dropped open as she looked at the caller ID. It was Bobby.

* * *

Angel pressed the "send" button and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Hey, Handsome," she said with a sigh of relief. The only reply she got was silence. "You there, Bobby?" she asked. She could hear someone breathing on the other end. Angel pressed her lips together as tears started to form in her eyes. "P-please, love. Say something. Anything."

Bobby grunted, then said, "Something."

Angel let out a small chuckle. "Are you okay?"

"Why bother asking? You don't give a damn about me."

Angel was surprised by Bobby's attitude and tone of voice. "I do care about you. I've been worrying about you for 2 days now."

"You're such a liar!" Bobby said with a slurred voice. "What's up with this bullshit message about wasting tears on me?! I don't understand why you're crying anyway. You don't care."

"That's not true, Bobby. You know I love you very much. I'd be devastated if something happened to you."

* * *

Bobby scoffed. "Whatever," he said. "If lying to me makes you feel good, then by all means keep on doing it."

Angel remained quiet for a few seconds trying to figure out how to get through to Bobby. Then she asked, "Bobby, are you drunk?"

"I'm beyond drunk," Bobby replied with a laugh. "I'm fucked up! Just like my life."

"How much have you had to drink?"

"Uh, let's see. I think this is my 9th bottle. No, no. I take that back. Make that 10. 10 bottles of good Glenlivet."

"Ay Dios mió," Angel uttered under her breath. "Please, sweetheart. Stop drinking and tell me where you are so I can come and get you."

"I don't have to listen to you," Bobby said. "I only listen to my friend. He was right about you. You're just trying to find out where I am so that you can lock up me in some mental institution."

"Your friend? Is your friend with you now?"

"Ha! He's been with me since I was a kid. He's always with me."

* * *

Angel covered her mouth as her tears started flowing freely down her cheeks. Her worst fear about Bobby's state of mind had come true: The Voice in his head was very much awake and in charge. She took a couple of deep breaths to help her calm down and gather her thoughts. She said softly, "Bobby, please listen to me. Whatever your friend has said about me, it's not true. I want to get you some help, not put you in an institution."

Bobby took a big gulp from the bottle before he said, "Why do you keep on lying to me, Angel?! You think I don't know what you're thinking?! That I'm such an embarrassment to you that you want to get rid of me. Turn your back on me just like everyone else in my life has!"

"I don't want to get rid of you or turn my back on you, Robert. I want to help you."

"Oh! So, it's 'Robert' now. You must be really pissed off to call me 'Robert,' Angelica." Angel pressed her lips tightly together. _"Oh, God! What has this voice done to him?"_ she thought. "I'm not mad at you," she said.

* * *

"What's it like?" Bobby asked suddenly.

"What is what like?" Angel said, confused by the change in their conversation.

"What's it like to be perfect, Angelica? To know that your presence in this world is a blessing to everyone you encounter? Huh? What's it like to know that the 2 people responsible for you being born actually love and treat you and your brothers equally, not like you're some kind of leper or weird freak?!"

"I'm not perfect," Angel said through her tears. "No one's perfect. I'm flawed just like everyone else. Please, love. Don't sell yourself short. You know me, Lewis and Alex are blessed to know you. You are not worthless or some kind of freak."

Bobby took a another drink from his bottle, then scoffed. "Don't bother crying for me. It's too late. There's nothing you can do for me."

"What do you mean 'it's too late?'" Angel's mind raced as a sense of fear came over her at the finality of Bobby's words. "What are you going to do?"

Bobby laughed drunkenly. "You're so naïve, Angel. What do you THINK I'm going to do? I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to drink these 5 remaining bottles of Glenlivet to take the pain away. When the pain goes away, I'll cease to exist. A simple solution to the problem that is me."

"Bobby, please!" Angel pleaded. "Tell me where you are. I'll come and get you. Whatever problem you have, I'll help you solve it. Your life doesn't have to end because that."

"You can't help me, querida. I'm not worth it. Hope tried to help to me, but he killed her for it. I can't be saved this time."

"_Who the hell is Hope?" _Angel wanted to ask, but instead she said, "I can save you if you'll just give me a chance. Please, Bobby. Tell me where you are."

Bobby laughed again. "You can't save me. By the time you get here, I'll be long gone. Go ahead and enjoy your perfect life without me. That's all you've ever wanted anyway." He pressed the 'end' button on his cell phone without saying good-bye.

* * *

Angel sat there in shock, trembling as she held the phone to her ear. "Bobby?" she said quietly. She looked at the phone, then pressed the 'send' button to re-dial his number. Bobby's voicemail message came on immediately. She pressed the 'end' button and laid the phone beside her, unable to find her voice to say anything.

Angel rubbed her stomach as the baby started moving. "I-I gotta find your daddy, Chico, before it's too late. He's trying to leave us without saying good-bye," she said softly. She reached in the nightstand table drawer and pulled out a notepad and pen, and quickly scribbled the details of what Bobby said while things were still fresh in her mind. _"Please hold on, Bobby. I'll save you. I promise."_

* * *

The Voice whistled nonchalantly while Bobby drank. _"I'm impressed, Bobby Brady. You really let Angel have it. You showed her who was the boss and let her know who your true friends are," _it said proudly. Bobby finished emptying the bottle, placed it in the box and picked up another bottle. "Damn straight I told her," he said as he opened the bottle and began to drink again.

* * *

"Hold on a second, will ya?" Alex said grumpily as she put on her robe and headed towards her front door. The loud incessant knocking at the door woke her up from a sound sleep. "5:30 in the damn morning. Only idiot that would dare knock on my door at this hour is Goren," Alex muttered angrily under her breath as she made her way to the door. "He better have a damn good explanation."

Alex threw open the door. She opened her mouth to say a few choice words to Bobby, but was surprised to find Angel standing there instead of her partner. Angel stood there staring at Alex, with tears rolling down her cheeks and wringing her hands. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to find the words to speak. Finally, she said, "Please help me. Bobby's trying to kill himself."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes: Hey, everyone! Here's chapter 7. Chapter 8 will be coming soon, so be patient. :o) As always, thank you to everyone who has read/reviewed or added this story to their alert list. I'm very grateful. Here's the usual disclaimer: LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company; I'm just using them in my imagination for a while. Any and all mistakes made are my own. Read, review and enjoy. :o)**

_**

* * *

**_

Gage: "Does she remind you of your mother?" Bobby: "Come on. Knock it off." Gage: "Or Nicole?"

Alex stood there, stunned by Angel's words. "What?!" she said. "Bobby's trying to kill himself," Angel said. She reached into her purse and pulled out the notepad, handing it to Alex, who started reading what was written on it. "Bobby hasn't been home for 2 days now," Angel said. "I've been calling his cell phone, leaving messages. He finally called me back a few minutes ago and told me in so many words that he was going to take his life."

"Oh my God," Alex said. She took Angel's hand, stepping aside as she pulled her into the house. "Let's sit down," she said, pointing at the couch. She started reading the notepad again once they had both sat down. "He's had 10 bottles of alcohol to drink?!" Alex exclaimed. Angel nodded. "That's what Bobby said. I could tell that he was drunk." Alex shook her head in disbelief as she started reading the notepad again. She reached over and squeezed Angel's arm, saying, "Give me 20 minutes to get ready. Then we'll go to the station and get some help in tracking Bobby down." Angel nodded, squeezing Alex's hand and giving her a small smile. "Thank you."

* * *

"_**What? You think I've lost it? I'm a tenured professor now. I lecture. I write books."**_

"_That's it, Bobby Brady," _The Voice said. _"Drink up. It'll all be over soon. I'll be back to check up on you later." _It went away, leaving Bobby alone to drink his 12th bottle of Glenlivet. Despite the fact that his breathing had become slow and irregular, his skin had taken on a bluish tint and vomit was coming out of his mouth which he wiped away with the sleeve of his t-shirt, he forced himself to drink to take make the pain go away. _"My life…means nothing. I'm worthless to everyone I know," _he thought.

["bobby, don't think like that,"] Hope said. "Who…are…you?" Bobby asked slowly in confusion. ["i'm hope. remember? i'm your friend."] He rubbed his forehead as he tried to remember the small voice named Hope. His thoughts were all jumbled and fuzzy from his drinking. He took another gulp from the bottle. "I-I-I …don't…have…any friends named-named Hope." ["please, bobby. try to remember me. i'm the friend that wants to help you. please let me help you."]

Bobby shook his head. "I…don't…deserve help," he said. ["that is not true,"] Hope said. ["please stop drinking before you hurt yourself any further."] "My friend said…that…I have to…drink…to make…my pain…go away." ["he is not your friend, bobby. if he were your friend, he would be here to stop you."] Bobby rubbed his forehead again. It hurt for him to get his thoughts together. "Go away," he said softly.

["i am not going anywhere. i'm staying right here,"] Hope said. _"You heard him, Hope," _The Voice said loudly. _"He doesn't want you here. And neither do I. Leave!" _["i am not leaving!"] she shouted. Bobby winced in pain at the loud noise in his head. "P-p-please…stop," he said. _"Shut up and listen to me! You will hurry up and finish that bottle and all of the other bottles. Your pain will not go away until you've consumed everything." _["don't listen to him, bobby! you cannot make your pain go away like this. please, don't drink any more."]

Bobby rubbed his forehead as he stared at the half full bottle in his hand. After a couple of minutes of silence, he said, "I-I-I'm…s-s-sorry" before putting the bottle to his lips. _"You see there, Hope," _The Voice said boastfully. _"I run Bobby's life. He doesn't need you. I'm all he needs."_

_**

* * *

**_

Gage: (laughs) No, I wouldn't think so. I mean those 2 women. Geez!"

It was 7:15 a.m. when Alex walked into the Major Case squad room with Angel following right behind her. She sat down at her desk; Angel sat down in the chair next to the desk. Alex pulled the notepad out of her purse, laying it down on the calendar blotter in front of her. Then she picked up the phone and dialed the extension for the Technical Assistance Response Unit.

* * *

"Technical Assistance Response Unit. This is Parker," the man on the other end of the phone said.

"Peter Parker, my favorite computer forensics technician. This is Detective Eames. How are you?"

Parker laughed. "Hey, Detective. I'm good," he replied with a smile. "What can I do for you today?"

"Parker, I need you to do a small favor for me."

He sighed heavily. "Oh, boy. What kind of trouble are you in now?"

"I'm not in any kind of trouble," Alex said huffily. "I'm trying to prevent some trouble. Anyway, I need you to pull the LUDs from my partner's cell phone for the past 2 days and find out what location he made his calls from."

Parker sighed heavily again. "Does this have anything to do with a case you're working on?" he asked.

"No, it doesn't," Alex replied. "I just need to know something."

"This gonna cost you, ya know? I don't mind doing stuff for you and Goren, but I can't stand having your boss ride my boss' ass, who in turn comes and rides my ass because I've done something I shouldn't be doing for you guys."

Alex chuckled. "Understood, Parker. What do you want?"

Parker was silent for a few seconds. "A pair of Yankees tickets, maybe?" he asked hopefully.

"Done. I'll get them for you within a week."

"Thanks, Detective! I'll try to get back to you within an hour."

"Thanks, Parker. Bye."

* * *

Alex hung up the phone and looked at Angel, smiling. "Parker's good. He'll let us know something soon." Angel smiled back. "Thank you." "You're welcome," Alex said. She leaned towards Angel and asked, "Why didn't you call me sooner? I would've helped you look for Bobby." Angel shrugged, then shook her head. "Bobby hasn't been himself lately. Especially since his brother's death. He won't talk. He barely sleeps. And when he does that, he sleeps in the TV room because he's afraid he'll hurt me and the baby."

Angel sniffed as she wiped away a tear. "A couple of times I watched him, unseen, clean his gun at the kitchen table. When Bobby got through cleaning it, he would place it on the table in front of him and stare at it. I could see what he was thinking by looking at his eyes. That spark of a happy person replaced by the spark of a person who thinks their life sucks. I thought I could find Bobby on my own and talk to him."

Alex patted Angel's arm. "We'll find Bobby before he does anything irrational," she said. Angel just nodded her head. "I'm going to the ladies' room. I'll be back," she said as she stood up. "Okay. When you get back, I'll take you down to the cafeteria. They serve some great French toast for breakfast." Alex put her and Angel's purses in the bottom drawer of her desk while Angel walked away. Then she checked her voicemail for messages.

* * *

"Detective Eames!" Alex turned her head at the sound of her name. Captain Ross was standing in the doorway of his office. The look on his face told her that he was not very happy to see her. "In my office. Now!" he said forcefully. She blew out a breath as she got up from her desk. Alex picked up the notepad and carried it with her to the captain's office.

"Close the door," Captain Ross said when Alex stepped into his office. He sat on the corner edge of his desk, his arms folded across his chest with a frown on his face as he watched her close the door. "You and your partner have this very bad habit of committing insubordination every time I give you both direct orders," he said. Alex opened her mouth to say something, but Ross held up his hand to stop her. "I know damn well I gave very explicit instructions that you and him were to take some time off for 4 days. Yet, for some strange reason, you're here after being off for 2 days. Detective, you better have a very good answer for why you're here."

"Goren is missing," Alex said. "He hasn't been seen since he left here 2 days ago. He called his wife this morning and told her that he was going to kill himself." She shoved the notepad into Ross' hands. His face soften as he began to read. "Does Angelica know where Goren is?" Alex shook her head, replying, "She's probably searched all of New York City trying to find Bobby." "Does she know what pushed him this far?" Again, Alex shook her head.

"Do YOU know what pushed your partner over the edge?" Ross asked. Alex scoffed. "You and I both know WHAT and WHO pushed Bobby over the edge," she said. "Does Angelica know?" Alex shook her head. Ross sighed as he laid the notepad on his desk and rubbed his forehead. He could feel the beginnings of a headache. "Go get Angelica Goren and bring her in here. She at least deserves to know why her husband is trying to kill himself. We owe her that much."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes: My apologies for being very late in getting this chapter posted. Real Life is starting to get in the way of my favorite pastime. LOL Anywho, this is just a short chapter leading up to Bobby's rescue. I know I say it a lot, but I do truly appreciate everyone who takes the time to read and/or review my stuff. Here's the usual disclaimer: LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company; I'm just borrowing them for a little while. Read, review and enjoy. :o)**

**P.S. By the way, this chapter is dedicated to a very cool person. Keep reading, and you'll figure out who it is. :o)**

_**

* * *

**_

Gage: "Oh, your partner's here." Eames: "Yeah, I was just telling him how you think I'm responsible for killing his brother."

"Wait…wait a minute. Let me get this straight," Angel said. She was sitting in a chair in Captain Ross' office after having been escorted in there by Alex. "Declan Gage had someone kill Frank because he was in Bobby's way of being happy?" Alex and Captain Ross looked at each other as she looked back and forth between the two of them. Ross inhaled and exhaled deeply before saying, "It's a little more complicated than that, but that's the simple version."

A tear drop fell down Angel's cheek as she looked off into space, her hand covering her open mouth. "I-I-I don't understand," she said, a slight tremor in her voice. "Declan is suppose to be Bobby's friend and mentor. Why would he think that Frankie being dead would make Bobby happy?" Alex sat down in the chair next to her, giving Angel's forearm a gentle squeeze. "I don't think anyone will ever understand why Gage did what he did," she said softly.

"Where's Declan now?" Angel asked. "Right now he's in police custody and being held at Bellevue Hospital pending a psychiatric evaluation," Alex replied. "Oh, okay." "Eames," Captain Ross said, "Parker's here." She turned around and looked out of the window at the tall, thirty something computer technician who reminded her of Tobey Maguire. He was standing in the middle of the squad room, looking totally out of place with a small notepad in his hand. Alex patted Angel's arm and said, "I'll be back," as she got up and went out of the door, with Ross following behind her.

Parker's face lit up with a smile as he watched Alex walk towards him, but a frown quickly replaced the smile when he saw Ross behind her. She grabbed him by the arm, steering him towards one of the conference rooms that held all of the computer equipment. "Am I in trouble again?" Parker asked when he, Alex and Ross walked into the room. Alex closed the door as Ross replied, "No, you're not. Detective Eames told me what was going on after I reprimanded her for being here when she shouldn't be. Tell us what you've got, Parker."

* * *

"Um, alright," Parker said. He sat down at a computer and turned it. He pressed a few buttons on the keyboard and pulled up the LUDs from Bobby's cell phone. Angel slipped quietly into the room unseen while everyone had their attention focused on the computer screens in front of them. Parker pointed at the screen and said, "Detective Goren hasn't had much activity going on with his cell phone for the past 2 days. My best guess is that he's had it turned off." He pressed another key on the keyboard, which magnified and highlighted a single line on the screen.

"Today at 4:55 a.m. Detective Goren made a call to this number that lasted almost 4 minutes," Parker said as he picked up his notepad, looking at it briefly. He opened his mouth to say something, but Angel interrupted him by saying quietly, "That's my number. Bobby called me." Everyone turned to look at her as she walked closer to the group. Parker stammered, "Uh, uh, yes. That's correct. Detective Goren called his wife."

"What else have you got, Parker?" Ross said. The computer forensics technician turned back to the keyboard, pressing a couple of keys to change the information on the screen from Bobby's LUDs to a map of New York state. Parker pointed at the screen and said, "I can't give you an exact address of where he made this call from because his phone is off, but I can tell you that that call originated from Albany. More specifically, the hamlet of Delmar." Captain Ross frowned. "Delmar? What the hell is he doing there?" He looked at Alex and asked, "Do you know why your partner would pick Delmar?" She furrowed her brow slightly as she shook her head. "It's not ringing any bells," she replied.

Ross looked at Angel. "Do you know why he'd go there?" She shook her head, replying, "I have no idea." He sighed heavily, then clapped Parker on the shoulder, saying, "Good job. What's Detective Eames offering you for gathering this information?" Parker looked sheepishly at Alex, then at the captain, saying, "A pair of Yankee tickets." Ross nodded his head. "Ok. I'll get you another pair," he said. Parker's mouth dropped open. "Thanks, Captain." "Don't mention it. Now get outta here before your boss comes looking for you."

* * *

Parker thanked the captain again, picked up his notepad and left. Captain Ross turned to Alex and said, "Delmar's a little over 2 hours drive from here. I want you to go requisition a vehicle for us to use. I know some people in the Albany PD. I'll call in some favors and have them issue an APB for Goren." He then turned to Angel and said, "Go wait at Detective Eames' desk. I'm going to arrange for an officer to take you home." She nodded mindlessly as she let Alex turn her around and lead her out of the door. Captain Ross followed behind them, heading towards his office.

"Sit here," Alex said as she helped Angel sit down in Bobby's chair. "I'll be right back." Angel didn't say anything. She just nodded her head again. "We'll find him," Alex said softly, squeezing Angel's shoulder before she walked off to go to the motor pool.

Angel stared at Bobby's desk, noticing how neat and tidy it was. She smiled to herself as she reached for the two 5 x 7 picture frames that were on the corner of the desk. The first picture was of her, standing sideways showing off her 4 month baby bump. The 2nd picture was of him and her dancing at their wedding reception. _"Mami took this picture," _she thought as she looked at the picture. _"You were happy that day, Bobby. I want that Bobby back."_ She sniffed a little bit and put the frames back in their proper place.

"Bobby doesn't have 2 hours. He could be dead by then," Angel said quietly to herself as she opened the top right drawer of his desk, pulling out a small black binder. She opened it to the address and telephone section and began scanning each page quickly._ "Come on. Come on. Which friend has the helicopter? Think, you dummy. Think!" _Angel kept on silently berating herself as she skimmed the pages of Bobby's address book. When she reached the letter H section, her finger stopped on the 4th entry.

* * *

"Troy Henson. That's him!" Angel said softly with a little bit of excitement. She reached into the front pocket of her long hooded heather gray cardigan sweater, pulling out her cell phone and dialing Troy Henson's number. She took deep breaths as she strummed her fingers on the desk. _"Leave it to Bobby to have a friend who owns a helicopter and helps the police out from time to time."_

"Henson's Helicopter Rides," a male voice said.

"May I speak to Troy Henson, please?" Angel asked.

"I'm Troy," the male voice replied.

"Hi, Troy. This is Angel Goren, Bobby's wife. How are you?"

"Hey, there, Mommy-To-Be! I'm wonderful! How are you?"

"I-I'm fine."

"That's good. What can I do for you?"

Angel's eyes started to water as she nervously bit her bottom lip. "Troy, I-I need to ask a huge favor of you," she said.

Troy could hear the tearful hesitation in her voice. "Ask away," he said. Angel took a deep cleansing breath, then told him as briefly and quickly as she could what was going on with Bobby.

When Angel had finished speaking, Troy uttered, "Damn!" He let out a heavy sigh and said, "Tell Captain Ross and Detective Eames to head over here. I'll have one of my choppers gassed up and ready to go within 20 minutes."

A small smile flitted across Angel's lips. "Thanks, Troy."

"Thank me when I bring Bobby home, Angel. I'll talk to you later."

* * *

Angel said good-bye and pressed the 'end' button on her cell phone, putting it back into her sweater pocket. Out of the corner her eye, she saw the captain and Alex standing there, looking at her. "What do you think you're doing?" Captain Ross asked. Angel looked up at him and said, "I found a faster way for you to get to Albany. Troy Henson is a friend of Bobby's. He's helped NYPD lots of times with search and rescue missions." Ross sighed heavily as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm well aware of who Troy Henson and what he has done for us at NYPD. What I'm having trouble with is you, a civilian, interfering with police business."

Angel arched an eyebrow and opened her mouth to say something, but Alex interrupted her by saying, "Captain, maybe we should use Troy Henson's help. The sooner we get to Delmar, the sooner we could help Albany PD look for Bobby." The captain let out another heavy sigh. "Fine," he said tightly. He pointed a finger at Angel. "I want you to gather up your belongings. I'm sending you home," he said. He motioned to a female uniformed officer while Alex walked to her desk, reaching into the bottom drawer and pulling out both hers and Angel's purses.

"I'm going with you," Angel said. A stony look fell over Ross' face as he narrowed his eyes at her. "No, you're not. The only place you're going is home," he said. "I'm going with you," she repeated. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned forward slightly to give Angel a hard look. "Obviously, you didn't hear me, Angelica. YOU are going home." Alex watched in amazement as Angel stood up to stand toe to toe with Captain Ross. "I'm GOING with you."

Angel and Captain Ross stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity to Alex. The uniformed officer, whose name tag read S. Gibbs, walked up and stood next to Alex. "The two of you stay here," Ross said as he took Angel by the arm. "Mrs. Goren and I have something to discuss in my office." Alex started to follow them, but the captain looked at her and snapped, "That's a direct order, Detective!"

Alex let out an exasperated breath as she and Officer Gibbs watched Captain Ross march Angel towards his office. "Is she in trouble?" Officer Gibbs asked. A dry chuckle escaped from Alex's lips. She gave the officer a wry smile and replied, "Not as much trouble as he is."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes: Okay, okay, okay. I know this is suppose to be the rescuing of Bobby, but I had to stop somewhere. I'm trying to work as fast as I can to get the next chapter up. As always, thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and/or review my stuff. I'm very grateful. The usual disclaimer: LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company; I'm just borrowing them for a little while. Read, review and enjoy.**

_**

* * *

**_

Gage: (laughs) "Well, that's one working theory." Eames: "But, why would I do that now? Wouldn't I need, what did you tell the captain, some terrible trauma?"

"If you think I'm going to allow you to come with me and Detective Eames, you are sadly mistaken," Captain Ross said to Angel as he closed his office door. She didn't say anything. She just stood there, holding onto one of the office chairs, and staring straight ahead at the wall. Ross walked around the chair to stand in front of her. "I'm going with you," she said quietly as teardrops rolled down her face. She continued looking at the wall over his shoulder.

Ross shook his head and sighed heavily. "Angelica, you are in no condition to be flying anywhere. Besides that, I cannot allow a civilian to become involved in police business," he said. Angel looked at the captain. "'You can't help me, querida. I'm not worth it. You can't save me.' That's what Bobby said to me this morning," she said as she tried to control her emotions. "My husband is drunk and out of his mind because he's listening to some voice inside of his head telling him to kill himself. That phone call was probably the only moment of clarity he's had to ask for help. He called me, his wife. Not Lewis. Not Alex. Not you. Me."

Angel bit her quivering bottom lip, pointing her index finger at Ross. She said, "If you think I'm going to turn my back on Bobby's cry for help, then you're the one who's mistaken, Captain Ross. You want me to stay out of your way? Then you'd better lock me up in a jail cell because that's the ONLY way you'll keep me from helping him and out of your way." Ross folded his arms across his chest and stared at Angel as she looked down to rub her stomach when she felt the baby start to move around. "Ssshh, mi hijo. It's alright. Be still," she said softly. Putting Angel in a jail cell was a seriously tempting idea, but Ross thought better of it as he saw a vision of his career and reputation going down the drain flash before his eyes.

* * *

Ross sighed heavily again. "Are you able to fly?" he asked. Angel nodded. "I have a doctor's note in my purse," she replied. He pointed a finger at her and said, "If there's any sign, and I mean ANY SIGN, of trouble, I'm sending you back here and have you placed under house arrest. Do I make myself absolutely clear?" She nodded. "Understood." Ross shook his head and mumbled under his breath, "I must be out of my damn mind," as he grabbed his overcoat, then opened the door and walked out of the office with Angel following him.

"Are you afraid of flying?" Captain Ross asked Officer Gibbs when he reached where she and Alex were standing. "No, sir. I'm not," she replied, shaking her head. "Good! Get your jacket. You're coming with Detective Eames and me." A quizzical look crossed the young officer's face. "Sir?" He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb at Angel, saying, "She's your responsibility on this trip. If she gets in the way, you are to put her back on the helicopter, take her home and place her under house arrest. You understand?" Officer Gibbs nodded quickly, then walked a couple feet away to get her jacket. Angel remained quiet as she picked up her purse and slung it onto her shoulder, a very faint smile of victory on her face.

Alex looked at Captain Ross, her eyes wide with surprise. He paused long enough to give her a glaring look. "Not a word, Detective. Not a single word," he said. "Get your stuff and let's go." He continued walking towards the elevators. Alex gathered her things and fell in step behind the captain along with Angel. Officer Gibbs brought up the rear. "What did you say to him?" Alex whispered to Angel. She shrugged slightly. "Not much really," she replied. "But I think having the pregnant wife of a missing Major Case detective locked up behind bars without any probable cause wouldn't look too good for him or NYPD." A small smile graced Alex's lips as she began to understand the predicament Angel had caused for Captain Ross.

_**

* * *

**_

Goren: "You did this, didn't you? You killed my brother." Gage: "No, no. It was Nicole."

"It doesn't matter who killed Frankie," Bobby mumbled drunkenly and softly to his haggard reflection in the mirror above the dresser. "They should have killed me, too. I don't deserve to live." He managed to get on his feet and stumbled to where he was standing now. He leaned on the dresser with one hand while clutching the last bottle of Glenlivet in the other hand, which was two-thirds full. The Voice let out a sinister chuckle. "You satisfied now? Glad that my miserable life will be over?!" Bobby winced in pain at the loudness of his voice. _"I will be when you finish that bottle," _The Voice replied. "You think I won't do it?! You think I'm a coward afraid of death?!" _"Stop your yapping, you pathetic piece of shit! Either you drink or I'll make you eat your gun! Take your fucking pick, Bobby Brady!" _"I'll show you who's a coward," Bobby snarled. He took a deep breath, then threw his head back as he placed the bottle to his lips, drinking its contents as quickly as he could.

["you have no right to take his life,"] Hope said. The Voice let out a hardy laugh. He said, _"I have every right to take his life. I own him, Hope. You seem to forget that he came looking for ME, not the other way around. He always looks for me when things get bad. I could have taken him when he was in Tates, but I didn't because it wasn't time yet. So, I suggest you go crawl back into whatever hole you came out of because there is no hope here! Not for Bobby."_

Hope scoffed. ["bobby has done nothingto warrant your hurting him like this! he needs help!] _"Bobby Brady needs help?!" _The Voice said. _"That's quite a joke you've made. Who in their right mind would come and help this pathetic excuse for a human being?" _["angel will come. she will help bobby.] _"You think she'll come and save him? She doesn't give a damn about Bobby. Angel doesn't love him." _["you are very wrong about her. she loves bobby and she'll help him. please, show him some mercy. spare his life!"] Hope pleaded. Once again, The Voice let out a sinister laugh. _"There is no room for mercy, Hope. Look at that. Bobby Brady's life as you know it is just about over."_

Hope watched with fear as she watched Bobby gulp down the last few drops of alcohol. When he finished off the bottle, he threw it across the room, smashing it against the bathroom's doorframe. Bobby held onto to the dresser as he turned around, spying his gun on the floor. He made a move to walk towards it, but he began to stumble erratically. His stumbling caused him to fall backwards, his head hitting the sharp corner of the dresser before he hit the floor.

As Bobby drifted off into unconsciousness, he heard The Voice laughing and saying, _"My work here is done." _He could have sworn he heard The Voice's footsteps grow fainter and fainter. Then Bobby thought he felt someone put their arms around him. The last thing he heard before the darkness came was ["hold on, bobby. help is coming. your angel is coming to save you."]

_**

* * *

**_

Gage: "Well, you've had those, haven't you? In spades! PTSD, pent up anger. (laughs) It's all there."

When Captain Ross and company arrived in Delmar, they were greeted at the heliport by a man dressed in a gray pinstripe suit. He had a portly medium build, dull brown eyes, and black hair with flecks of gray in it. "Good Lord, Danny," the man said with a chuckle as he extended his hand. "What kind of strings did you pull to get a helicopter?" Ross just smiled and shook his hand. "Don't worry about it, Leo," he said. The man named Leo shook his head. "Whatever you say," he answered.

"Leo, I want you to meet Detective Eames and Officer Gibbs," Ross said. "Detective, Officer, this is Captain Leo Hardeman." They each shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. Captain Hardeman looked behind Officer Gibbs at Angel. "You must Detective Goren's wife," he said, holding out his hand out to her. She nodded and shook his hand. He patted her hand and gave her his best reassuring smile. "We'll find him. Don't you worry." Angel gave him a small smile.

"Follow me," Captain Hardeman said. "I've got a couple of cars waiting for us." As they walked out of the building, Ross said, "I take it you haven't had any luck locating Goren's car or Goren himself." Hardeman shook his head. "Not yet. But we've caught a break with the alcohol he bought. There's only 5 stores in the area that carry Glenlivet. We checked out 2 of those stores before heading over here." When they exited the building, Hardeman led them to where 2 black Explorers were parked. 3 plainclothes officers were standing next to the SUVs. He pulled a set of car keys out of his overcoat pocket, handed them to Ross and said, "You and your people can follow us. We'll swing by the station to drop off Mrs. Goren, then hit the other 3 liquor stores."

* * *

"Mrs. Goren can come with us," Ross said, handing the keys to Alex. "Officer Gibbs is here to keep her out of our way." Hardeman looked at Angel, then at Ross. He just shrugged and sighed heavily. "As you wish, Danny," he said as he headed towards the other Explorer, shaking his head.

By the time they reached the 3rd liquor store, Angel was starting to believe that they would find Bobby laying dead in the street somewhere. _"It's too late to find Bobby. He's gone," _she thought to herself as she stared out of the window. She and Officer Gibbs were sitting in the back of the SUV, waiting for Alex and Captain Ross to come out of the store. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front doors being opened. "Buckle up," Alex said as she slid into the driver's seat, Ross got into the passenger seat. She quickly belted herself in, started the ignition and switched on the sirens.

"What's going on, Alex?" Angel shouted over the noise while she fastened her seatbelt. "The store manager remembered selling his last 15 bottles of Glenlivet to some man 2 days ago" Alex replied. "He said the guy was looking for some place to stay, so he gave him directions to a hotel 20 miles away. Captain Hardeman is going to have an ambulance meet us there."

Angel sat back in her seat as she tightly gripped the fingers of one hand with the other hand. She looked out of the window as tears started to form in her eyes. _"Hold on, Bobby," _she thought. _"I'm almost there."_


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Notes: Well, the end of our fiscal year at work has come and gone. Now I can actually breathe, relax and get back to writing. LOL Thank you to everyone for being so patience with me as I get back into writer mode and catch up on some reading. As always, thanks to everyone who reads and/or reviews my stuff. I'm very grateful and humble for the support. Here's the usual disclaimer: LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company. Read, review and enjoy. Thanks again. :o)**

_**

* * *

**_

Gage: "You still don't see, do you? You're younger than you know."

_Bobby stood in the middle of a stark white room, not knowing or understanding why he was there. He tried to walk, but his legs felt heavy like lead. He managed to take about three and a half steps before he fell down, crumpled up on the hard cold floor like a pile of dirty clothes. "I'm cold," he said softly with a whimper. ["let's get you covered up,"] a small voice said. Out of nowhere, Bobby felt a blanket fall over him. It provided a little warmth against the cold he felt._

"_Who are you?" Bobby asked as the unseen presence cradled his head in its lap. ["i'm your friend,"] was the reply. He scrunched up his face a little. His alcohol addled brain wasn't letting him understand. "Why?" ["why, what?"] "Why are you my friend?" Bobby heard a small soft chuckle. ["because i care about you."] "Oh." He seemed to accept that simple answer as a good reason. "What's your name?" ["my name is hope."]_

"_Hope," Bobby said. "That's a pretty name." ["thank you,"] Hope replied. He repeated her name quietly a few times. "Have…have I known you long?" ["for a little while."] Bobby repeated the name again, trying to make himself remember who Hope was. He looked up to see if he recognized her face, but he couldn't see anything. "Why can't I see your face?" he asked. ["your eyes haven't adjusted to the light yet. give it some time."]_

* * *

"_Okay." Bobby winced at the pain he felt in his head. "My head hurts," he said softly. He started to reach up and touch his head, but Hope stopped him by pressing down on his arm. Then she lightly brushed her fingers back and forth across his forehead. ["is that better?"] she asked. "A little bit. Thank you." She hummed softly as she continued rubbing Bobby's forehead. He laid there quietly with his eyes closed, listening._

_Hope paused briefly as she heard heavy footsteps walk up behind her. __**"Why don't you tell Bobby Brady the truth, Hope?" **__The Voice said. __**"Tell him why he can't see you." **__["you go away! you've hurt bobby __goren__ enough!"] Bobby opened his eyes. "Who's that?" he asked. ["no one important,"] Hope replied. The Voice chuckled and said, __**"You've got some nerve. I'm SOMEONE very important!"**__ Bobby frowned, then turned his head to see who was kneeling beside him, but he couldn't make out a face._

_["leave bobby alone,"] Hope said. ["you've proven your point that he is weak. just leave him alone."] "Why can't I see you?" Bobby asked The Voice as he started shivering uncontrollably. __**"Doesn't matter now, Bobby Brady," **__The Voice said with a smile.__** "Your end is very near."**_

_**

* * *

**_

Bobby: "Declan, you son of a bitch!" Gage: "He was going down anyway. Bobby, I didn't want him taking you with him."

When Alex turned into the hotel's parking lot, Captain Ross pointed out of the window and said, "Eames, look! There's Goren's car." Alex drove the SUV towards the classic black Mustang, coming to a screeching halt behind it. Captain Hardeman and his men were already out of their SUV by the time Alex and Captain Ross had unbuckled their seatbelts and exited their vehicle. "Travers, go to the manager's office and get the keys," Captain Hardeman said. "Yes, sir!" Travers replied sharply as he headed to the office in a quick jog. Captain Ross was heavily knocking on the door to room 20 with an open palm. "Goren! It's Captain Ross. Open this door! Now!"

Angel got out of the SUV and stood next the Mustang. She nervously wrung her hands as she watched Ross and Hardeman take turns pounding on Bobby's door. Officer Gibbs was standing beside her. By this time a small group of people had begun to gather in the parking lot to see what all the commotion was about. Captain Hardeman barked at one of his officers to go do crowd control. "Stop for a minute," Alex said as she walked up to the door. She put her ear against it and listened. She could hear something moving around in the room. "I hear him moving," she said.

"Danny, you and Detective Eames step aside," Captain Hardeman said as he saw Travers jogging back towards them with room keys in his hand and an older man with a slim build and mustache to match behind him. Travers was about to give the keys to his captain, but Alex snatched them out of his hand instead, unlocked the door and flung it open.

* * *

Neither Captain Ross nor Detective Eames were prepared for what they saw when they stepped inside of the room: Bobby laying on the floor, bleeding from his head and vomit coming out of his mouth as he was having a seizure. Alex managed to fight down her urge to throw up and held her breath as she and Ross headed towards Bobby. Together, they tried to roll him onto his side to keep him from choking, but were unsuccessful because of Bobby's girth. "We need help in here!" Ross snapped. Captain Hardeman and Travers rushed into the room to give them a hand.

"Oh my God!" Angel exclaimed as tears ran uncontrollably down her face. "Bobby!" She tried to walk towards the room, but Officer Gibbs kept blocking her way. "Let go of me! I've got to see about him!" Angel said, struggling against the young officer's firm but gentle grip. Officer Gibbs shook her head. "No, ma'am. You and the baby don't need to be in there right now." Angel stopped her struggling and stood there with her mouth open as she looked into the room over Officer Gibbs' shoulder.

"_Oh, Bobby! I'm right here, love. I came to save you," _Angel thought to herself. _"Hold on, sweetheart."_ The ambulance arrived just as Bobby's seizure stopped. Captain Ross, Alex and the other police officers walked out of the room so that the paramedics could have some room to help Bobby. Captain Ross and Alex went and stood where Angel and Officer Gibbs were. Angel felt as if she was in the middle of a surreal dream as she watched her husband being strapped onto a gurney. As they rolled the gurney passed her, she almost didn't recognize Bobby underneath all of the blood, vomit and heavy beard.

"I gotta ride with Bobby," Angel said quietly. Alex and Captain Ross both shook their heads. "Go get in the car. We'll follow the ambulance," Alex said with a sniff. Angel got into the back of the SUV, buckling her seatbelt. She stared out of her window at the ambulance as it sped away. She thought to herself, _"I don't understand, Bobby. Why would you hurt yourself? Why wouldn't you tell me that you were hurting? I'd listen to you."_

* * *

"_Why am I so cold?" Bobby asked once his shivering had stopped. ["your body is trying to get used to the temperature change,"] Hope said. "Oh. My head still hurts," he said with a whimper. Hope hummed as she brushed her fingers across his forehead again. "What's that noise? It sounds like a siren. Is somebody hurt or in trouble?" Instead of answering Bobby's question, Hope shushed him. ["sssh. rest."]_

_As Bobby's eyes began to close, he saw a dark shadow standing in the corner, leaning with its shoulder against the wall. He started to shiver a little as he made out one distinctive feature of the shadow: its evil and malicious smile._


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Notes: *GASP* She's updated another story! OMG! LOL As always, I have to thank all of you who read and/or review my stories. I greatly appreciate it. And thank you for your patience as I get back into writer mode. LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company; I'm just borrowing them for a while. Any and all mistakes made are my own. Read and enjoy. :o)**

_**

* * *

**_

Gage: "It's tough staying engaged when you're two steps ahead of everyone else in the room."

The 5 minute drive to the hospital seemed to take forever in Angel's mind. She stared ahead out of the front window to watch the ambulance that was carrying her husband. _"Please, Lord. Let Bobby live. Spare his life," _she thought to herself. She glanced down briefly to rub her belly. The baby inside of her was moving restlessly. "Ssshhh, Chico. Be calm, Baby Boy. Everything's alright," she said softly under her breath. She turned her attention back to the ambulance. Ever since Bobby and Angel had become a couple, Bobby had always tried to prepare her for the possibility that he wouldn't make it back from his job; that he could get killed in the line of duty. _"I've always been prepared for Bobby to die by somebody else's hand. But not for him to die by his own."_

Captain Ross looked at Alex out of the corner of his eye. He noticed that her nose was red and a couple of tears had made their way down her cheek. "You okay, Detective?" he asked quietly. She looked at him briefly before focusing her eyes on the road again. "I'm fine. For now," she replied. She looked in the rearview mirror, catching a quick glimpse of Angel moving her lips as she looked down at her stomach. _"How could Bobby hurt his family like this? How could he hurt me? Damn jackass!" _Alex thought. She felt herself getting mad at Bobby, so she took a deep breath, trying to clear her head of the mean thoughts that were starting to form in her head. _"Declan Gage, you've really messed up my partner this time. You bastard!"_

By the time Alex had turned off the SUV's engine, Angel was already unbuckled out of her seatbelt and opening the back door. She quickly slid out of the vehicle before Officer Gibbs had a chance to grab and stop her. When she reached the ambulance, the EMTs had unloaded Bobby out of the back of it and into the hands of the waiting ER medical team. As one EMT was rattling off the check list of Bobby's symptoms to the doctor, a nurse looked at Angel and asked, "Ma'am, do you know this man?" She nodded, replying, "He's my husband." "What's his name?" the doctor asked. "Robert Goren. He answers to Bobby though." The doctor nodded his head, then started barking orders to the team.

When the medical team reached Trauma Room 2, the nurse barred Angel from going into the room any further. "Please, I have to be with him," she begged softly through her tears. The nurse shook her head firmly. "You stay out here. We'll let you know something about your husband's condition as soon as we can." With that, the nurse turned around and walked into the room. Angel stood at the door, watching through the glass window the medical team work quickly and furiously on Bobby's unconscious form. She was unaware that Alex, Captain Ross and Officer Gibbs had walked up behind her.

Angel clamped her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach as she watched another seizure rack through Bobby's body. "Oh my God!" she said as she slapped her hand against the window. "Bobby!"

* * *

_**Eames (reading the card): "'Oh, this is the poison of deep grief.'" Goren: "It's 'Hamlet.' The nephew."**_

_["you stop that!"] Hope said to The Voice as Bobby started to shiver uncontrollably. He opened his eyes and looked up at her, despite the fact he still couldn't see her face. "I'm cold. Why am I so cold?" he asked quietly through his chattering teeth. "Am I dying? Should I get ready to leave here?" ["ssshhh. rest,"] Hope said. She placed another blanket around Bobby, then vigorously rubbed her hands up and down his arms. "I can't rest!" Bobby said. He raised his head a little bit to look at the smiling dark shadow standing in the corner. He whimpered in pain as he asked, "Am I going with him?"_

_["no. you are __not__ going with him!"] Hope said firmly. She gave The Voice a hard look. ["you stop this! you stop it now. you have__ no__ right to take his life. he has a choice."] The Voice pushed himself off of the wall and crossed his arms. __**"A CHOICE?! Bobby Brady has made his choice. He has chosen to remove his worthless, unloved self from this world. I have every right to take his life! I AM the closest thing to a real friend he's ever had! No one gives a rat's ass about him!" **__The Voice said. _

_Hope ignored him, focusing her attention on Bobby instead. She lifted his head to place a pillow underneath. Bobby was still shivering, just not quite as hard as before. She stroked his forehead with her fingers, moving them back and forth. ["please, bobby. you have to trust me. you have so much to live for. you have to fight."] Bobby looked up at Hope, then looked at The Voice. "I don't think I can," he said in defeat. A victorious sneer crossed The Voice's dark lips. ["it's okay. i'll help you fight. you don't have to fight him alone."]_

_Hope rubbed Bobby's forehead a few more times before she stood up and walked over to where The Voice was standing. She said, ["you stop this! stop hurting bobby.] He leaned down, nose to nose with her. __**"Give up, Hope," **__he said. __**Bobby Brady belongs to me! Why do you care? Who gives a damn about this worthless piece of shit?!"**__ ["stop saying that! bobby has friends and family who love him, who care for him. you are mistaken to think that he can't overcome the wrongs of his past to live for a bright future."]_

_The Voice laughed in Hope's face. __**"What version of La-La Land are you living in?" **__he asked. __**"Bobby will NEVER have a good future because he'll ALWAYS fuck up trying to do anything good!" **__She scoffed. ["i'm not saying bobby won't mess up. he's human; i expect that. what i am saying is that he has the right to live and make decisions about his future. you cannot and should not take that away from him no matter what!"]_

_Bobby raised his head to look at Hope and The Voice. He still couldn't make out their facial features. He just saw 2 human shapes: one bright, one dark. He didn't understand why Hope was arguing for him. _"Let me go," _he thought to himself. _"No one wants or needs me. Let me go." _Bobby was still shivering when he laid his head back down and closed his eyes, willing for whatever was happening to him would happen quickly and take him out of his misery._

"_**You are such an idiot, Hope," **__The Voice said. __**"This fool doesn't deserve anything. You're a fool for believing Bobby Brady can have a normal life like all of those other suckers out there."**__ ["'__the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best; to believe, desire, or trust; to feel that something desired may happen.'" that is the definition of my name. i am not a fool for wanting bobby to be happy."] __**"What a wonderfully naïve idiot you are, Hope. It almost saddens me to prove you wrong about anyone caring for Bobby." **__["really? how so?"] The Voice cocked his head to the side. __**"That's simple, my dear friend," **__he said. __**"I can guarantee to you that wherever we are now, no one, not even the beloved Angel, is around to mourn or care about the loss of this worthless human being known as Bobby Brady."**_

_Hope put her hands on her hips. She opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the faint sound of Angel's voice saying "Bobby!" That sound echoed throughout the whole room for a few seconds. Both The Voice and Hope looked around, wondering where Angel's voice was coming from. When their eyes met, a puzzled look came over The Voice's face. Hope had a wide smile of victory on her lips. She covered her mouth as she felt a laugh trying to escape. _

_Hope could hold out no longer. She went from a snort to a giggle to a full blown hardy laugh within a matter of seconds. She inhaled and held her breath. She slowly exhaled and said, ["your guarantee is bullshit."] Then she laughed again._


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's note: I can hear the readers out there now. "OMG! She's updating again!" LOL As always, much thanks and gratitude to everyone who takes the time to read and/or review my stories. It means a lot to me. Here's the disclaimer: LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company; I'm just taking them for a spin in my imagination for a little bit. Any and all mistakes belong to me. Read and enjoy. :o)**

_**

* * *

**_

Gage: "You never knew quite what to expect. But that's what made them exciting, isn't it?"

"_**Shut up, Hope!" **__The Voice snapped. __**"Stop that infernal laughing!" **__Hope continued laughing for a few more seconds. She took a deep breath and held it for 20 seconds before releasing it. ["so, you can dish it, but you can't take it? who's the pathetic one around here now?"] she said smugly. __**"Go to hell!" **__She didn't say anything. She stood there with her hands on her hips, looking at the dark figure standing before her up and down with disdain. ["it's over. let bobby go."]_

_The Voice tilted his head to the side as he folded his arms across his chest. He leaned forward and said, __**"It's not over yet, Hope. Just because Bobby Brady's beloved Angel is here changes nothing. He still has to choose whether or not he wants to go back."**__ ["let bobby go! you have no right to keep him here."] Hope said. __**"I'm NOT keeping him here. He's keeping himself here!" **__The Voice glanced in Bobby's direction. __**"You have to face the truth, Hope. Bobby Brady can't handle the reality that is his life."**__ She looked back at Bobby, then at The Voice. She shook her head, then turned on her heel and walked away. ["you're wrong about bobby,"] she said over her shoulder. __**"You willing to bet his life on that?" **_

_Bobby had opened his eyes at the sound of his name being called. He was staring up at the bright white ceiling, trying to figure out who the voice belonged to. The copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed was still messing with his brain. Hope knelt down beside him and began stroking his hair. ["hey. you're awake,"] she said. Bobby turned his head to look at her. It still bothered him a little that he couldn't make out her facial features. "Who was that?" he asked. ["who? that voice?"] He nodded his head. ["that was angel."]_

_Bobby looked confused. "An angel?" he asked. Hope laughed softly at his confusion. ["no, not an angel. that was your wife, angelica,"] she said. "My wife?" he muttered to himself as he frantically searched his memory for this person. He was on the verge of tears when Hope reached under the blankets and took his hand while still stroking his hair. ["ssshhh. it'll be alright,"] she said soothingly. "Why? Why does anyone care?" he asked in anguish. "I'm nothing! A nobody! What does it matter if I live or die?"_

_["it matters to a lot of people,"] Hope said. ["you are a __somebody__ worthy to love and be loved. don't give up!"] She squeezed Bobby's hand as tightly as she could. He stared up at the ceiling, a few tears rolling down his cheeks. "Let me go," he whispered softly. Without even looking, Hope could sense that The Voice had perked up at the sound of defeat in Bobby's voice. She leaned down and whispered in his ear, ["close your eyes and rest, bobby goren. everything will be better after you rest. i promise."] _

_Bobby did exactly as Hope had told him to do. She looked over at The Voice and said, ["this is not over."] The Voice sneered at her as he said, __**"That's what you think, loser."**_

_**

* * *

**_

Eames: "It's there alright. But not towards my partner."

Alex sighed heavily as she walked back into the emergency room waiting area, shoving her cell phone into her jacket pocket. A few minutes ago, she had spoken to her dad, breaking the news about Bobby's suicide attempt to him. She knew he'd break the news to the family as gently as possible. She had finished talking to Troy, updating him on Bobby's condition. He had to get back to the city, but he was sending another pilot and helicopter in his place to pick up Eames and company when they were ready to go. Captain Ross had gone with Captain Hardeman to secure Bobby's belongings at the hotel, while Officer Gibbs went to the hospital cafeteria to get some food and drink for everyone.

Alex paused to look at Angel, who was sitting in the farthest corner of the room, absentmindedly rubbing her stomach and staring at a wall. _"Poor kid. I know how she feels,"_ she thought to herself before she walked over and sat down beside her. Angel turned her head, giving her friend a small smile. "Has the doctor been in here yet?" Alex asked. "Not yet," Angel replied, shaking her head. She turned her attention back to the wall. Alex opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't find any words to make the situation seem better. Instead, she reached over and gave Angel's arm a gentle squeeze. She patted her hand without looking.

Tears started to fall slowly down her face. "Dammit," Angel swore softly under her breath as she wiped the tears away. "I can't stop crying." Alex squeezed her arm again and said, "It's okay to cry." Angel shook her head, shifting her gaze to the floor and letting out a small sigh. She said, "When I was a senior in high school, the principal made an announcement over the PA system one day that a freshman from our school had killed himself over the weekend on the golf course near the school. He said the guidance counselors would be available to talk to anyone who wanted to talk."

Angel let out a ragged breath. "All day I kept asking myself, 'Why did he do that?' When I got home and told my parents about this kid's suicide, I asked them why would somebody take their life. Papi said, 'You'll really never know what's going on in somebody's head unless you ask them. Some people think that suicide is the only answer to solve their problems.' I thought about that kid and what Papi said for weeks. I kept trying to figure out why, but I gave up after a while."

Alex took both of Angel's hands into hers and squeezed. Angel bit her bottom lip as she shook her head with tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked at Alex and said, "The last time I talked to Bobby, before all of this madness started, I could tell something was wrong by the sound of his voice. But I let him lie to me and tell me that he was fine. It's my fault that Bobby tried to kill himself. All of this is my fault." Alex shook her head. "None of this is your fault," she said forcefully as she wiped away a tear. "We all know Bobby takes extreme measures sometimes to accomplish something, but I don't think we could have guessed that he'd try to take his life. That's not the person we know."

"I guess you're right," Angel said quietly. A sad smile crossed Alex's face as she nodded. "I think I am." Captain Ross walked into the waiting area, followed by Captain Hardeman. "Any word yet?" he asked when he reached Alex and Angel. They both shook their heads. "Mrs. Goren," Captain Hardeman said to Angel, "we've put your husband's things into his car. I can have his car towed to our impound lot, but I can't guarantee I can get them to not charge you for storage." "Will the towing company take his car to a shop in the city if I make arrangements?" she asked. He nodded. "Yes, ma'am, they will."

Angel reached into her sweater pocket and pulled out one of Bobby's handkerchiefs. She wiped Alex's tears with it before handing it to her. "I need to call Lewis," she said as she stood up. The two captains stepped aside to let her walk by them. She was just about to pull out her cell phone when a doctor walked up to her. "Mrs. Goren?" he asked. "That's me," she replied. He extended his hand towards her. "I'm Dr. Tito Reed. I'm handling your husband's case." Angel shook his hand. He reminded her of a young Samuel L. Jackson with hair.

"How's Bobby?" Angel asked as Alex and Captains Ross and Hardeman came up behind her. "He's still unconscious," Dr. Reed said. "We've placed him on a ventilator to help him breathe, and on IV drips to help combat dehydration. I've ordered some MRI and CAT scans to determine the extent of his head injuries." "What about the seizures? Why is he having them?" "People with alcohol poisoning sometimes have seizures."

Dr. Reed paused for a moment. "Mrs. Goren, I don't mean to sound indelicate, but the amount of alcohol your husband consumed should have killed him. His size and his being found in time are the only 2 things that saved him." Angel remained quiet as the doctor's words sank in. "Will he…will he have brain damage?" she asked. Dr. Reed sighed heavily. "It's possible, but we really won't know for sure until more time has passed. We'll monitor him closely and hope for the best." "When can we see him?" Alex asked. "In a little while, ma'am. I'm going to finish getting him admitted, then have him taken to ICU."

Dr. Reed looked at Angel. "Once we get your husband settled in, I'll ask the nurses to make room for you to stay with him," he said. She smiled. "Thank you," she said softly. "I have to go back to New York City to get some stuff though." "That's fine, Mrs. Goren. I'll call you if anything changes while you're gone." Dr. Reed smiled, then nodded his head at everyone before turning around to exit the room.

"I'm going to call Lewis," Angel said. "We'll be right here," Captain Ross said as he patted her on the shoulder. She walked out of the room, passing Officer Gibbs as she headed towards the hospital's cell phone usage area. Angel pressed the speed dial number for Lewis' cell phone. She sat down and looked up towards the ceiling. _"Please, Lord. Give me the words to tell Lewis about Bobby," _she thought silently.

* * *

"Hello," Lewis said.

"Hey, Lewis. It's Angel."

"Hey, Angel! What's up?"

"Not much. What are you doing?"

"Nothing. Me and my parents just got back to my place. Why?"

Angel inhaled, then exhaled deeply. "Lewis, I have to tell you something. Sit down," she said.

"What's wrong?" Lewis asked, a hint of panic evident in his voice. He sat down as he braced himself for the bad news.

"Bobby…Bobby tried to kill himself again," Angel said through her tears.

"What?" Lewis exclaimed. "When? Where?"

"He drank 10 bottles of Glenlivet over a 2 day period. I'm at a hospital in Delmar with him now."

Lewis was shocked beyond belief. When he finally found his voice, he asked, "What-what hospital? I'm coming up there."

"Hamlet of Delmar Medical Center," Angel answered. "But I don't want you on the road now. Not while you're upset."

"I'm not upset!" he snapped loudly.

"Then why are you are yelling at me?" she asked calmly.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."

"That's okay. Anyway, I'm having his car towed to your house if you don't mind."

"Sure. I don't mind."

"Thanks, Lewis," Angel said.

"You're welcome," he replied in an uncharacteristic soft voice.

Angel let out a small sigh. "I'll call you as soon as the doctor tells me something. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Bye, Lewis."

* * *

Lewis said goodbye and snapped his phone shut. He turned it over and over in his hand a few times before he flung it down on the couch beside him. It bounced off of the cushion and hit the side of the table, landing on the floor at his feet. Luckily, the phone didn't break.

Lewis' parents, Bill and Susannah, walked into the living room to find out what was going on. They stopped short when they saw the angry look mixed with tears on their son's face. "What's wrong, sweetie?" Susannah asked. Lewis glared at the ground for a second before looking at her. "Bobby tried to kill himself again!" he blurted aloud.

Bill and Susannah gasped. "Oh my God!" Susannah said. Lewis jumped off the couch. He began flailing his arms around as he said, "Bobby decided to go to Albany and drink himself to death! Albany of all places! Why in the hell would he go there?" Susannah took a step towards him. "Sweetie, please calm down," she said in a soothing voice. "Mom, how can I calm down when Bobby decides to pull another stupid stunt like this instead of talking to his family or friends?"

Lewis began pacing back and forth, waving his arms around wildly. "I have had it up to here with Bobby shutting me out! You know what? I don't give a damn anymore! I don't care if he lives or dies! I don't care!" Susannah stepped in Lewis' path. "You don't mean that, Jedidiah," she said softly. "Yes, I do!" he exclaimed. "If Bobby doesn't care enough to talk to me or Angel or anybody in his life about whatever is bothering him, then let him die! Let him end his life!" She took his face in both of her hands. "You don't mean that," she repeated.

Lewis lowered his head as he wrapped his hands around Susannah's forearms. Bill went and stood behind his wife, placing a hand on Lewis' shoulder. "Why does Bobby listen to that voice in his head? Why doesn't he ignore it?" he asked, sniffing to keep the tears away. "I think he listens to it because there is no other voice to tell him to live," Susannah said. He raised his eyes to meet hers. "I didn't mean all of those things I said." She smiled. "I know you didn't." "I want my best friend to live." Bill said," We know, son. We want him to live, too."

**Post-author notes: Lewis' first name (Jedidiah) comes from my story "The Story of Cecelia Rose" in case you were wondering. Yes, I know it's a cheesy ending, but I had to stop somewhere. More to come soon. :o)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's notes: I'm baaaackkkk! LOL Happy New Year! I hope everyone's holidays were wonderful. As always, LO:CI and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and company; I'm just borrowing them for awhile. Any and all mistakes are mine. Read, review and enjoy. **

_**

* * *

**_

Gage: "Talk about your father issues." (laughs) Goren: "Were we talking about father issues?"

It was late afternoon, early evening when Angel returned home to pack a suitcase with a week's worth of clothes and toiletries. She placed it and a backpack with things for Bobby into the back of her blue Ford Edge. "I told Mr. and Mrs. Perez that Bobby and I will be away for a little while," she said to Janelle as she closed the back door to her car. "I also told them that you and Drew will be dropping by to check on the house." When she turned around to look at her friend, Janelle said, "We should go with you. You shouldn't be on the road by yourself." A small smile crossed Angel's lips. "I'm not by myself," she said, rubbing her stomach. "I've got Chico with me." Janelle let out a small sigh. "Fine. Then you and R2D2 don't need to be on the road by yourselves. I'm going with y'all."

Angel shook her head. She reached out and held Janelle's free hand in both of hers. "I'll be fine. Delmar's just 2 hours away. I can handle that." Janelle sniffed, tears forming in her eyes. "You're too damn calm with all of this shit going on," she said softly. "I'll have my breakdown later. Right now, I've got to get to the hospital to be with Bobby." Angel reached into her sweater pocket, pulling some Kleenex out of a small pack. She was wiping away Janelle's tears when Drew walked out of the Gorens' home, carrying a small soft sided cooler. He opened the front passenger side door, placing the cooler on the floor. He closed the door, then walked over to Angel and Janelle. "There's some water, orange juice and gelatin fruit cups in the cooler," he said.

"Thanks, Drew," Angel said. She wiped away a few more tears off of Janelle's cheek before pressing the tissue into her hand. She looked at both of her friends and said, "I'll call you when I get settled in at the hospital." "You sure you don't want us to go with you?" Drew asked. "I'm sure. You guys just hook up with Alex and Lewis and come up there tomorrow." "Have you called your parents yet?" Janelle asked. Angel cast her eyes downward as she shook her head. "I don't want them to worry," she replied softly, wiping away a stray tear. Janelle let out a long disapproving sigh, not saying a word.

"I'll call them later," Angel said. "You'd better," Janelle said. Drew nodded his head in agreement. Angel reached out and hugged Janelle, then Drew. She gave them a small sad smile before turning around to get into the car. As she opened the door, Janelle said, "I'm going to call you every 15 minutes." "Okay, Mama," Angel answered softly, a crooked grin on her lips. Janelle shook her finger in her best friend's direction. "I'm not playing with you, Baby Girl." "I know."

Angel got into the car and started it up before buckling her seatbelt. She raised her hand, turning it to wave goodbye to Drew and Janelle Spencer through the back window. Janelle wrapped her arms around Drew's waist, burying her face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her when she started crying. "Ssshh, baby. It'll be okay," he said quietly. He laid his cheek on top of her head, hugging her tighter as he rubbed her back. "Bobby will live. You'll see. He'll live because we all want him to live."

_**

* * *

**_

Gage: "Isn't that what all of this is about?"

"Detective Eames?" Officer Gibbs said. "Detective Eames?" Alex remained unresponsive to the young officer's voice. She was at her desk, sitting motionlessly as she stared at the empty chair across from her. Officer Gibbs hesitated a little bit before lightly tapping Alex's shoulder, which caused her to jump slightly. "Sorry, Detective Eames. I didn't mean to startle you," the officer said sheepishly. "That's okay," Alex said with a smile. "I had zoned out there for a minute." "I wanted to let you know that I finished my report. I'm giving it to Captain Ross before I go off duty."

Alex pointed at the laptop screen in front of her. "I'm almost finished with my report. Why don't I take both of our reports in to him?" "Okay. Thanks," Officer Gibbs said as she laid her papers on the desk. "Do you need me for anything else before I go?" "No. I can't think of anything." Officer Gibbs took a step closer to Alex. "I'm very sorry about your partner," she said in a low voice. "You'll let me know how he's doing, won't you?" "Thanks. I will," Alex replied. Officer Gibbs gave her a smile, then turned on her heel and walked out of the squad room.

Alex inhaled deeply, held her breath to the count of 10, then exhaled. She began typing on the laptop keyboard, her fingers flying quickly over the keys. When she had finished typing, she paused to proofread what she had written before pressing the onscreen print button. The looks Alex was getting from her fellow police officers in the squad room ranged from sympathetic to bemused to indifferent as she walked towards the printer. _"God, I hate this. I wish they would stop looking at me," _she thought to herself.

The news of Bobby's hospitalization had spread all over the Major Case Squad and the entire precinct by the time Captain Ross and Alex returned from Delmar. She picked her report up from the printer, then headed towards her desk, trying very hard to avoid eye contact with anyone. She sat down and re-read the report one more time before signing it. She placed it, along with Officer Gibbs' report, in a manila folder. She stood up, folder in hand, and walked towards Captain Ross' office.

Alex knocked on the captain's closed office door. "Come in." She opened the door, but stopped short when she saw him on the phone. He motioned for her to come inside. She stood behind the chairs in front of his desk. "Alright, sir. I'll meet you in an hour. Goodbye," Ross said into the phone. He hung up the receiver and stood up, stretching his arms over his head. He came around to the front of his desk and sat down on a corner of it. "That was the Chief of Ds. He wants me to update him on the situation."

Alex remained silent. She started to let out a derisive snort, but thought better of it. At this moment, the Chief of Detectives was not at the top of her favorite people list. "Officer Gibbs and I have finished our reports," she said as she held the folder out to the captain, who took and placed it on the desk behind him. "How are you holding up, Detective?" Captain Ross asked. "A lot better than I was about 2 hours ago," Alex replied. The captain smiled sympathetically. "I spoke with Janelle," she continued saying. "She said Angel's driving back to Delmar. Lewis and I are suppose to meet up with her and Drew in the morning to go up there together."

"Sounds like a good idea. I'll come up there later," Ross said. "Captain, I'm just going to take tomorrow off, then come back into the office the next day," Alex said. He slid off of his desk and laid his hand on her shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze and said, "You have 2 more days left before you're supposed to be back here. Why don't you take them?" She blinked back tears as she nodded her head. "Thanks, Captain." Alex and Captain Ross exchanged brief sad smiles before she turned around and walked out of the door.

_**

* * *

**_

Gage: "Come on, Bobby. You waited a year to check Brady's DNA. Why?"

Alex had been sitting in her car outside of her parents' home for about 20 minutes, trying to gather her thoughts and emotions. _"Of all of the dumb, stupid, selfish things you've done, Bobby why the hell did you have to go and do this? How could you hurt us?"_ she thought angrily. She gripped the steering wheel and took a deep cleansing breath, holding it a few seconds before releasing it. _"Pull yourself together, Alex. You've got to be strong for Angel and the baby."_

Alex took another deep breath before she got out of the car. She made sure that the door was locked before she headed towards the house. As soon as her foot hit the porch, the front door opened. Her mother Janet was standing there with her cell phone in her hand. "I was just about to call you and ask when you were coming in," she said softly, stepping aside to let Alex come inside of the house. Johnny walked out of the kitchen just as Janet had closed the door. They exchanged a brief glance before looking at their daughter, who was standing in the middle of the floor with her head hung low, staring at her feet.

"Lexi?" Johnny asked with a hint of concern in his voice. He walked towards Alex, his footsteps not making a sound. He placed his hand on her shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. She looked up at her dad, tears rolling down her cheeks. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, but no words or sound came out. A worried look covered Johnny's face as he put his other hand on her other shoulder. Alex just stared into his eyes. Finally, in an anguished voice, she asked, "Why, Daddy?"

Johnny felt his heart break into a million pieces as he pulled Alex into his arms. He hugged her tightly, trying to take away the anguish and pain she was feeling. He laid his cheek on top of her head and murmured softly, "I don't know why, sweetie." Janet's eyes filled with tears as she watched the scene unfold before her. She reached out and rubbed Alex's back, catching her husband's eye in the process. "I'm going to make some tea," she said. Johnny just smiled, nodding his head slightly. She returned the smile, then walked away.

Johnny stood there in the middle of the floor with Alex, holding onto her as tightly as he could. When her crying finally subsided, Alex pulled back a little to look up at him. "Thanks, Dad," she said. "You're welcome," he replied as he wiped away a few stray tears from her face. He gave her a quick squeeze before placing his arm around her shoulders and steered her towards the kitchen. "I talked with Jimmy Deakins and Mike Logan," Johnny said as they entered the room. Alex sat down at the table. "What did they say?" she asked.

"They want to go to the hospital tomorrow," Johnny answered as he sat down. Alex nodded. She said, "I spoke with Janelle as I was leaving the station. She told me that she called Angel's parents. They're gonna try to get a flight up here tonight." She sighed heavily as she pulled her cell phone out of her jacket pocket. "I've got to call Lewis and tell him what we're doing." Janet walked over and squeezed Alex's arm. "Why don't you let me handle gathering the troops together?" she asked softly. She pointed with her head at the plate of tuna sandwiches on the table. "You have something to eat."

Alex let out another sigh as she placed her cell phone into Janet's outstretched hand. She looked at her mother with tears starting to flow down her cheeks again. "Thanks, Mom," she said shakily. Janet leaned down and kissed Alex's forehead. With fresh tears in her eyes, she said, "Everything will be okay. Bobby will get through this. We all will."

_**

* * *

**_

Goren: "You knew about my paternity test. How come you didn't say something to the captain?"

Angel reached Delmar without any incidents or problems. She went to stay in the hotel where Bobby was found, checking into room 14. As she unpacked the car, she paused briefly to look towards room 20. There was a 3 man cleaning crew in the room now. They propped the door open so that they could take their equipment inside. She was fighting the urge to go down there and stare at the blood stained carpet. _"Bobby's blood is down there. He almost died there," _she thought. She shook her head to get the thought out of her mind. She unlocked the door and went inside.

Angel turned on the lights as she closed the door behind her. She placed the cooler, the backpack and her purse on top of the dresser. She quickly unpacked her suitcase and changed into a gray t-shirt and gray and white striped lounge pants. She placed her purse in the safe, taking only her wallet and cell phone with her. She looked around the room, making sure everything was in its proper place, then headed out to the hospital. She stopped again to look at room 20. _"Get in the car, Angelica. Your husband is at the hospital, not down there."_ Angel did that as she took a deep breath.

By the time Angel reached the hospital, it was already 2 hours past visiting hours for the ICU. She was on the verge of crying when one of the on-duty nurses recognized her from the emergency room. She took her gently by the arm and led her to Bobby's room. Angel entered the room first. She stopped at the foot of the bed. It was kind of discomforting to see her husband hooked up to the medical machines. She almost didn't recognize Bobby with the thick heavy beard he was sporting.

"There's some water in the pitcher over there. If you need anything, let me know," the nurse said softly. "Thank you," Angel said. The nurse smiled, turned on her heel and exited the room. Angel took off her sweater, placing it on the back of the reclining chair next to the bed. She turned around and took Bobby's hand, squeezing it. She stroked the side of his face with the other hand, watching him breathe with the help of the ventilator. A worried thought crossed her mind. _"What if he doesn't breathe again by himself?"_

Angel sniffed as she leaned down and planted a kiss on the tip of Bobby's nose. "Hey, Handsome," she said through her tears. "Chico and me are here. We didn't want you to be by yourself tonight." She straightened up and began to stroke his face again. She chewed her lower lip worriedly as she took in his features.

Angel leaned down again, this time putting her lips near Bobby's ear. "I-I want you to know something," she said. "If you see a beautiful light or hear a kind gentle voice telling you to come home because it's your time to depart this world, then go without any fear. But if there's something dark and evil telling you to die, then you fight! You fight that son of a bitch because he has NO RIGHT to make you do anything!"


End file.
